Home > Rayne > I may be fat, but she’s ugly.

I may be fat, but she’s ugly.

October 2nd, 2009

So there’s this staged train wreck.  The fake story is the fake train fake wrecked cause the fake company that owns the fake tracks hasn’t been fake taking care of them.

The whole world of real people passes by and slows way down to stare.  They comment on the beauty and tragedy and love and pain exhibited in that one fake-even-though-they-think-it’s-real scene, what with the fake strangers gathered to fake find and fake aid their fake wounded trainmates in getting to fake safety.

And over there, in the corner, the real press is taking real notes and making real comments on how the fake train company has their shit together.  How their fake response time was amazing.  How no other company would be so invested in helping the fake families…

But no one’s noticing all the wounds are painted on.  All the dead bodies are mannequins.  The tracks only run for half a mile.  And the cameras are hidden well.

And I’m standing on the edge of the scene screaming at the top of my lungs that the scene’s not real.  Pointing out all the cameras.  Washing off the makeup.  Walking people to the ends of the tracks.

But the real people are staring dumbfounded and making excuses.  Like the train company removed the rest of the track so no other trains would accidentally end up there.  O.o

This is the chick I can’t stop reading.  A fake train wreck that everyone thinks is real. 

She posted something recently that completely contradicts everything she’s been saying for months.  And I hate her so much that I want to run right over to her page and be like, “But eight months ago on this forum thread you said blahzeblah and now you’re saying… what? You changed your mind? Completely? And did you check with your man to see if this 180 was okay? Cause, you know, you also said you have to run all decisions and changes by him first.”

And I’m wondering… am I the only one with a memory this long? Cause no one else seems to remember that eight months ago (I’m estimating.  I have no idea how long ago it was that she posted something completely contradictory to what she posted recently.) she posted the exact opposite of what she posted recently.

And I see all the things wrong with that.

First of all, why am I so damn concerned with this fake train wreck? Seriously.  What the fuck difference does it make?

Usually the answer is “Newbies are reading her and believing the shit she says!” But so what? Stupid should hurt.  If you’re too stupid to see who they really are, try to follow in their footsteps and end up hurt that’s your problem.  Not mine.  For some reason, though, this bitch’s fakeness really offends me.

Am I really so fragile and pathetic that I need this bitch to make me feel better about myself? And what about the parts of her that are so god damned similar to myself? Cause I know for a fact my opinions have changed over the past eight months.  I mean, I can probably give an acceptable reason for my changes of heart.  But maybe she can, too.

I always do this.  I justify hating someone to myself and then talk myself out of hating them because hating them points out so many character flaws in myself.

And why do I hate her? I actually have a really good reason for not liking her.  She did something pretty fucked up to a really good friend of mine.  And it’s not just a case of “Oh my really good friend told me she did something pretty fucked up and I’m a loyal friend so I’m gonna stick by her and this other chick can go fuck herself.”  I was in the middle so I know what she did.  And it’s really just the icing on the cake.

I wonder how true that old saying is.  You know? The one we screamed on the playground when our playmates insulted us.  “You have to be one to know one.”

Every time I see one of my friends comment on something she’s posted, I sit here and pick her apart.  She’s arrogant and conceited.  Self-absorbed and self-righteous.  Disrespectful and disobedient.  I mean, she called her owner a liar with a straight face.  Publicly.  With no retribution.  Even though he was telling the truth.  She knows everything.  And she is a “true slave”.  She’ll tell you so while vehemently denying there’s any such thing.

Is that me?

And what is it about us that makes us feel obligated to tell our friends their flaws, but when we dislike someone, we keep them to ourselves? “It’s nothing I wouldn’t say to her face!” but we don’t unless pressed.

I’ve made my dislike for this woman as public as I intend to.  Our mutual friends and acquaintances know how I feel about her.  And Master laughs at me when I ramble about how much I can’t stand her.

But why have I focused all my hatred on this one woman? And why is it always a woman?

And I know how petty this makes me.  It’s a character flaw.  I’m obsessed with a stranger who has absolutely no influence on my life.

Maybe it’s jealousy.  She certainly gets enough attention for half the world.  Maybe I do need her to feel better about myself.

I may be fat, but she’s ugly.  Inside, if not outside.  I can lose weight.  But she’ll always be ugly. ~some kid on the playground when I was ten

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  1. October 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 | #1

    I think she’s young. And flighty. And wants very very badly to believe the fantasy.

    I also think she’s a follower. Her words seem to change depending on who said what last.

    Just don’t think everyone watching the fake trainwreck, even with mouths agape, are believing what they see.

    And? Those looks won’t last forever. I hope to God there’s more to her when the inevitable happens.

    But. I dunno. I think I have so many people who hate me without knowing me that I’m willing to overlook flaws if what I’m getting back is something decent and (mostly) kind. (And believe me. It is not easy to admit that I want or need that.)

    BTW, I have one of those two. One certain person who, for whatever reason, is so far under my skin that I can’t shake her loose. And I hate her. I *hate* her. I read her anyway. I wish I knew why.

  2. October 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 | #2

    You know, I’ve felt similarly about other people. Here’s how I’ve started handling it: I would immediately stop paying attention to her. Delete any links you have to her page and force yourself to stop reading what she writes. You have the ability to not let her bs influence your life.
    Doing this has done wonders for me recently. Now don’t get me wrong, I still VASTLY dislike the person in my recent situation, but it’s a lot easier to just not give a crap when I stopped exposing myself to her (in this case).

  3. October 2nd, 2009 at 11:14 | #3

    kaya :

    I think she’s young. And flighty…. I also think she’s a follower. Her words seem to change depending on who said what last.

    Just don’t think everyone watching the fake trainwreck, even with mouths agape, are believing what they see.

    And? Those looks won’t last forever. I hope to God there’s more to her when the inevitable happens.

    So basically, what you’re saying is, she is like me. Lol. Though I’m getting better with the whole unintentional peer pressure thing. Much.

    I figured you were intelligent enough to know better. 🙂

    And I hope so, too. Because she’s in for a world of hurt if not. And even though I hate her, I still would hate to see anyone have to go through that.

    @sxychikadee I wish it were that easy. The vast majority of my friends on FL are friends with her. So every day there’s something from her in my feed. :/

  4. October 2nd, 2009 at 16:27 | #4


    I remember reading somewhere that it’s bets to always tell the truth, there’s less to remember. Your memory may well be just that since you don’t lie to people that you have more room in the brain to remember other people’s stuff. I know a couple of people who lie adnaseum. One has the hated habit of saying whatever he thinks the listener wants to hear. It always comes back to haunt him.

    I know why I’m more likely to tell my friends their flaws than people I don’t like. I want my friends to improve; I carre about them, while the people I don’t like, I have no problem seeing them crash and burn. Not nice, I know, but oh so very true.


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