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BBW Submission

September 21st, 2009

bbw33This probably won’t make me very popular.  As it is, I sort of feel like I’m turning on my own kind.  I shouldn’t.  It’s not “us vs. them” and I’m not saying anything insulting.  But that’s how I feel.

I am a beautiful woman.  I don’t always think so, but a lot of other people do.  It’s difficult to deny that when people are constantly telling me.  And I’m big. 230lbs of big.  So I guess, technically, that puts me in the BBW category.

So…  I’ve bounced back and forth between belonging to the group BBW Submission probably for as long as I’ve been on FetLife.  My original thought was, “Huh.  Well… obviously there must be enough different about submitting as a BBW that we need our own group.  I don’t know what it is, but I guess I’ll go find out.”  and I joined.

But the more I look around, the more it seems to be a support group for big women.  Which is fine.  Anyone who knows me knows I’ve got some pretty serious self esteem issues.  So I can see how having a support group for us fatties would be an excellent tool.

But why call it “BBW Submission” if it’s more like a BBW support group?

While I understand there are things some of us big women just can’t do, I really don’t see our submission as being all that different from skinny women.  I just… don’t.

Like I said, I’m 230lbs of big.  And I kneel and squat and bend and scrape just as much as, if not more than, most skinny submissives.  I crawl around on the floor and get bent into a pretzel during sex.  If we had the equipment and ceiling for it, I’d probably be suspended quite frequently.

I don’t really have a problem buying collars or cuffs that fit me.  Matter of fact, I have rather small wrists and ankles for being as big as I am.  And there’s certainly nothing about what’s required of me that would be different (easier or harder) if I were smaller.

Sure, my knees would probably hurt less after a night of kneeling (Maybe… Part of the pain in my knees is from arthritis developed from old softball injuries).  It would take longer for my feet to fall asleep.  I’d probably be more comfortable in some of the crazy positions M likes to beat me in.

But those things are physical and, from where I sit, have absolutely nothing to do with my submission.

Maybe it’s because submission is so mental for me? Maybe it’s because when I think of submission, the physical stuff – the sex and SM and such – is an afterthought?

I mean, sure! Sometimes I’m made to submit to sexual acts/positions and SM that I’m not particularly fond of.  But even that is mental torment more than physical.  I mean, physically it makes me so effing hot hiding it’s impossible.  Mentally is where it gets to me.  My mental being is what I have to prepare.

I dunno.  I guess the nonsense exclusivity is getting to me.  Why can’t we all just hang out together, act like adults and get along? ~sigh~

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  1. September 21st, 2009 at 09:59 | #1

    Funnily enough, I was listening to Playboy radio this morning and they had a 260lb girl on who tried out at a Playboy casting call – and they went crazy for her. They we saying how cool it was that she tried out as most playboy girls are 95lb – 125lbs.

    I don’t think Playboy was brave enough to pick her, but it was cool that a ‘big’ girl got acknowledged as sexy and gorgeous by something so mainstream.

  2. September 21st, 2009 at 10:06 | #2

    @Champagne and Benzedrine That is pretty cool! Thanks for sharing!

  3. September 21st, 2009 at 19:28 | #3

    Rayne,

    Because we’re human beings? 😉

    Seriously though, what you’re experiencing isn’t very different from the existance of so much grouping that seems to go on in the larger, vanilla world. For example, there’s a Chicano tutoring program here at the university I work at. It provides the same tutoring service that the math department does for anyone. I don’t understand why they feel the need to provide a seperate tutor resource for one specific ethnicity, but they do (admittedly, I’ve never seen what they do and I may be missing something). But, if they’re providing primarily support for people who are feeling uprooted and adrift in a predominantly WASP university, why call it tutoring?

    My piont, you’re just seeing what seems to be normal human behavior; a need to identify with a smaller group for real or precieved reasons. Knowing that doesn’t make it any less confusing though.

    Dave

  4. September 21st, 2009 at 22:40 | #4

    As for me personally, I guess I understand it both ways. I am a submissive to my Sir for the last 28 years. I was about 180 when we got married way back then. After about 25 years I had gained up to (and this is the truth)370. And I am only 5’5″. Now I am at 155-160. I was also twisted like a pretzel, served, was used, complied, dedicated myself and enjoyed it all (just as he did as well) regardless of my size or shape. And like you, if we had lived somewhere that we could have done it, we would have used the ceiling for suspension. I tried not to let my size stop us from anything we wanted to try. I did lose weight but for many reasons and not just for looks or to be better able to serve him. Yes, the knees hurt less now, but like you, my bad knees were from something other than weight. I originally injured my knee at 13 years old when I jumped off a table top and tore my ACL…had arthritis by the time I was 17. For many, weight and size is a touchy subject. I have always been supportive of all…or at least I have tried to. My Sir loved me dearly at any size or weight I was..still does. He never treated me any different regardless of what the scale said. Yes, when I was larger, I did have some issues to deal with that I no longer do, but now I have new issues to deal with. It is all just life…good, bad and everything in between. I just wish we could all support and accept each other. Thanks for your post and blog. Thanks for letting me have my little say, for whatever it is worth. Just my opinion.

  5. September 22nd, 2009 at 00:00 | #5

    Being the owner and creater of BBW Submission on FetLife I can understand where you are coming from. When I created the group there were no other groups, In fact the group was #3 created. I called it BBW Submission because I wanted it to be more than just a pervy zone for people who like larger ladies. Giving it some kind of focus, or something like that. And I’ve also developed respect for the submissives in there. No where else will you find Dominants treating submissives they way they do there. It’s like an unspoken rule. And I find that really cool.

    Really though, there are groups of all kinds on FetLife. 100’s of submissive groups on there all specifying their beliefs in submission. It’s just a slice of what we call being human… the need to define ourselves and find welcoming places to be.

    I created BBW submission to hopefully be a welcoming place, where we can talk about body issues and other sensitive things (how many other submissive groups can you talk about heat rash and hanging aprons without getting condescending remarks?).

    Even you have created a group and placed the rule of no safety police because you feel that enough is enough of that… so you created a welcoming place for yourself and those like you.

    There is no reason to be in BBW submission if you don’t enjoy it. And I see no reason why you would have to.

    Just my 2 cents.
    .-= lunaKm´s last blog ..The Safety Disguise of Safewords =-.

  6. September 22nd, 2009 at 06:47 | #6

    @lunaKm I was hoping you would chime in! KrushKitten and I talked about some of the reasons you started the group over on Fet and it makes perfect sense to me now. I just didn’t get before, I guess.

    I think it’s an excellent support group for the people who enjoy it and/or need it, like you said. And I’ll probably still pop in and out like I have been doing forever. Doing the whole take what I need, leave what I don’t thing. And put in my two cents when I have something to provide. I just am finding myself not needing that support much anymore, I guess, as my self esteem and mental well-being continue to improve.

    @thepinkpoppet Oh, darlin, I love your two cents. 🙂 Like I said, I’m all for having a support group. I know people need it. I just don’t so much anymore.

    @dweaver999 Yeah… I guess you’re right.

    Don’t ya just love how I answered you all backwards? :p

  7. September 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 | #7

    Hi,
    I’m not a submissive or slave..just a vanilla lesbian…kinkwannabe…but…I am a big girl. I have lost weight in the last year. My wife is super super thin…and has had issues w/my weight for years. We love each other, but it’s hard when your mate doesn’t find you sexy/attractive at a certain weight.
    my hats off to you girls, and your Masters/Owners who love you 100% for what you are.
    You all totally rock!
    Nilla
    .-= Nilla´s last blog ..found it! HNT, a bit late! =-.

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