Archive for September 21st, 2009

BBW Submission

September 21st, 2009 7 comments

bbw33This probably won’t make me very popular.  As it is, I sort of feel like I’m turning on my own kind.  I shouldn’t.  It’s not “us vs. them” and I’m not saying anything insulting.  But that’s how I feel.

I am a beautiful woman.  I don’t always think so, but a lot of other people do.  It’s difficult to deny that when people are constantly telling me.  And I’m big. 230lbs of big.  So I guess, technically, that puts me in the BBW category.

So…  I’ve bounced back and forth between belonging to the group BBW Submission probably for as long as I’ve been on FetLife.  My original thought was, “Huh.  Well… obviously there must be enough different about submitting as a BBW that we need our own group.  I don’t know what it is, but I guess I’ll go find out.”  and I joined.

But the more I look around, the more it seems to be a support group for big women.  Which is fine.  Anyone who knows me knows I’ve got some pretty serious self esteem issues.  So I can see how having a support group for us fatties would be an excellent tool.

But why call it “BBW Submission” if it’s more like a BBW support group?

While I understand there are things some of us big women just can’t do, I really don’t see our submission as being all that different from skinny women.  I just… don’t.

Like I said, I’m 230lbs of big.  And I kneel and squat and bend and scrape just as much as, if not more than, most skinny submissives.  I crawl around on the floor and get bent into a pretzel during sex.  If we had the equipment and ceiling for it, I’d probably be suspended quite frequently.

I don’t really have a problem buying collars or cuffs that fit me.  Matter of fact, I have rather small wrists and ankles for being as big as I am.  And there’s certainly nothing about what’s required of me that would be different (easier or harder) if I were smaller.

Sure, my knees would probably hurt less after a night of kneeling (Maybe… Part of the pain in my knees is from arthritis developed from old softball injuries).  It would take longer for my feet to fall asleep.  I’d probably be more comfortable in some of the crazy positions M likes to beat me in.

But those things are physical and, from where I sit, have absolutely nothing to do with my submission.

Maybe it’s because submission is so mental for me? Maybe it’s because when I think of submission, the physical stuff – the sex and SM and such – is an afterthought?

I mean, sure! Sometimes I’m made to submit to sexual acts/positions and SM that I’m not particularly fond of.  But even that is mental torment more than physical.  I mean, physically it makes me so effing hot hiding it’s impossible.  Mentally is where it gets to me.  My mental being is what I have to prepare.

I dunno.  I guess the nonsense exclusivity is getting to me.  Why can’t we all just hang out together, act like adults and get along? ~sigh~

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