Archive for September 12th, 2009

Morning Ritual and My Thoughts on Naysayers

September 12th, 2009 3 comments

bdsmWe have a new morning ritual.  It allows us to connect mentally and physically, in a sense, at home and when He gets to the office.  Until yesterday, I was stoked.  But yesterday, my neck started to itch and I’m sort of worried that I’ll end up with a dreadful rash again.

But I still love our new morning ritual.  I love everything about it.  And even though it’s only been a short while, I feel naked and vulnerable and often go find the collar and cuffs without being told and ask to be allowed to put them on.

Every morning, when He gets to work, He makes me kneel in front of the camera and buckle the leather collar and cuffs around their respective parts.  It smacks of something an internet couple would do.  Except that when He’s home, just returned from work or all day, I kneel in front of Him and He buckles them on me Himself.  And I spend the day in collar and cuffs.

I take them off for things like doing dishes or cooking or if we have visitors or go out.  They were only thirty-five dollars, but thirty-five dollars is thirty-five dollars.  If we have thirty-five dollars to spend on something that isn’t bills, bus fare or groceries, then it needs to be spent on Him getting His new contacts or getting a physical.  Not new leather cuffs.  So, I take them off when I’m doing anything with my hands and put them back on when I’m finished.

The other day, after I got back in my desk chair and started bumbling around on FetLife, I realized a lot of people in some of the communities I belong to would sneer at our new ritual.  They’d lecture me on the difference between reality and fantasy BDSM.  They’d scoff at my sudden need to have the collar and cuffs on to feel safe.

I’m part of a couple groups on FetLife that, from the outside, look like they could totally be our kind of people.  And a year ago, with the way our relationship and sex life were going, I jumped right on their band wagon.  I cheered them on to the ends of the Earth.

Because our relationship sucked and our sex life was almost nonexistent.  We both worked.  Often opposing schedules.  We fought more than we fucked.  Which wasn’t saying much because we were lucky to fuck once a week.  And the picture of the master/slave relationship full of ritual and protocol and constant sexual tension was out the door.  Something we’d long since given up on attaining.  Read more…

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