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Puppy Training, Sexy Stuff and Quiet Guidance

August 22nd, 2009 Comments off

There’s something very different about this round of training.  I feel Him watching me.  Waiting.  Wanting to see which way I’ll go.  Letting me lead so long as I stay on the path.  And that’s just fucking bizarre.

When we play, He often watches me while I do horrible, mean things to myself.  I beg to be beaten, and He indulges, but it’s rare that He initiates the whipping.  And His guidance is quiet.  Controlled.  Firm.

The other day we were… I don’t want to say arguing, because we weren’t really, but we were having a heated discussion at least.  I don’t remember what about.  Maybe it was the day I inadvertently called Him a Nazi.  I don’t remember.  But He said, “And you’re in training.”  And I sort of blinked at Him.

I am? Since when? I mean, I know we said I was going to be.  But where? Where is it?

So I started going over the days in my mind.  He’s not training me.  I haven’t been punished once.

But as I thought about it, I realized He has.  He’s just being less Ramboish about it.  Instead of plunging headlong into the unknown, guns blazing, He’s sort of plodding along, slowly and steadily, the reins loose in His hands, adjusting my direction with a gentle tug here and there.

This search for my intimacy and sensuality thing was my idea.  And He is content to sit back and see where it takes us.  I may be a slave, and I may be owned, but being so closed off has begun to hurt.  I don’t want it anymore.  I want to be close to someone.  To feel close to someone.  To feel close to Him.

So our Treasure Trove Gift Tin came in yesterday.  I thought it was a kickass end to a hella stressful day.

Master had a huge meeting in the afternoon.  And being the worrywarts we are, we panicked all day about it.  It went fine, as it always does.  But we were completely wiped by the time He got home. Read more…

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