Archive for August 4th, 2009

Just… thinking.

August 4th, 2009 3 comments

WindowsIt’s hard coming to the understanding that a lot of the problems in your relationship and/or life are caused by you.  It’s hard letting go of the anger, hurt and pain.  The guilt eats at you.  And, if you’re like me, you do whatever you can to deflect the blame from yourself.

I mean, there’s a huge difference between the self-loathing, “Everything I touch turns to shit.” type thoughts and actually understanding that you are the cause of a lot of your problems.

It’s exponentially more difficult letting go of the things the other person did cause and just working on what you know you need to fix.  Owning your own shit and leaving the other person to theirs.  Realizing that you can’t fix them; they have to fix themselves.  Especially with the very real possibility every couple has of one party evolving without the other looming over your head.

As I’ve said before, I could go on forever with “Well if He’d stop taking His hands off the wheel…” and “If He’d only do it this way…” and “If He’d try harder to be less grumpy…” and…

The thing is, even if I wasn’t a slave it wouldn’t be my place to try to control or change Him.  That’s not the way love is supposed to work.  When you fall in love with someone, you’re supposed to fall in love with who they are.  Not who you think you can make them into. Read more…

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