Archive for July 28th, 2009

Permission to Cum? Please?

July 28th, 2009 1 comment

I’m required to request permission to cum.  I don’t talk about it because…  Well, because orgasms are a touchy subject with me.  I was raised to believe that female masturbation is bad and I get all sorts of embarrassed when discussing an orgasm.  I’d rather hide in a dark hole alone with just my fingers than ask to cum in front of someone.

That doesn’t stop me from masturbating when I’m allowed, mind.  And I’ve long since gotten over being embarrassed by masturbating in front of Him…  For the most part.  I had to.  So far, an orgasm during sex has proven to be impossible in most instances.  With anyone, not just Him.

Maybe I’m doing something wrong.  Ah well.  I don’t mind so much.  And maybe I’ll figure it out, what with all this sex stuff I’ve been reading.

I’ve actually managed to manipulate the situation so that Master tells me to cum after sex because I won’t ask.  No matter how many times we fuck or how long it’s been since the last time I came.  Half the time, I won’t even tell Him I’m horny.  Try to seduce Him.  None of it.  Between my crippling fear of rejection and the embarrassment of having to ask to do something I’ve been conditioned to view as “bad”, I can’t bring myself to do it most of the time.

On top of that is the assumption that He’ll say no.  Even though I’m asking if I can diddle myself, I feel like I’m being rejected. Read more…

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