Archive for July 21st, 2009

Everything I learned about BDSM, I learned on the internet.

July 21st, 2009 4 comments

On every board, in every group, about every subject I’m researching, I’ve posed this question:

What resources would you suggest to a newbie?

At least one answer is almost always:

Not the internet.

The only real exception? World of Warcraft.

Why? Because while you can learn about any subject on the internet – love, hate, life, death, war, peace – there are so many subjects that you just can’t truly understand without experience.  Without having lived it.

Sure, it’s great to learn how others do it.  It’s an awesome way to get new ideas and learn which paths to avoid and meet people and put your own issues into perspective.  But it can’t compare with good, old-fashioned experience.

Especially if you’re like me and you’re susceptible to peer pressure.  Even unintentional peer pressure.

I have a lot of friends who absolutely are not into ritual or labels.  Have no purpose for them.  They do nothing for them.

Some scoff at them.  Say ritual and labels are the stuff players are made of.  Call those of us who enjoy, want, crave, need them immature, insecure, or arrogant, even.  I assume they don’t mean me, because they’re my friends, but I have a lot of friends with qualities I don’t particularly care for.  If they’re unobtrusive, I ignore them.  So who knows? I’ve never asked and they’ve never offered the information.  Read more…

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Conversation Over Coffee

July 21st, 2009 4 comments

purplecoffeecupOver at Eden Cafe, CarrieAnn posted an article entitled “Put Down the Blackberry.  Seriously.”  You should go read it.  Right now, even.  If you don’t, I’ll be quoting some of it here, so you’ll get the general idea.  But I still say you should.  It’s both sad and funny at the same time.

I sat and read the beginning of the article with my jaw on the desk.  I can’t imagine how quickly my marriage would die if M or I sat texting – or especially tweeting! – about our problems through a dinner date.  And I was pretty high and mighty for a second about the fact that, while I air a lot of our dirty laundry here, I don’t do it instead of trying to work things out with Him.  Matter of fact, I usually do it after we’ve already talked about it and/or worked things out.

But then I got to this part:

It’s not that I’m old and out of the technology loop.  It’s that I mourn the loss of personal, face to face connections.  I advocate putting the person you’re with ahead of a text message, Twitter, Facebook or even a phone call.  And I’m a firm believer in experiencing the experiences you’re having rather than being wrapped up in instantly telling everyone else about them.

I don’t want to date someone that can’t put me first for an hour or two. I don’t want to be in a committed, long term relationship with someone who can’t focus on me for a bit without constantly looking at their i-phone for the latest text or Twitter message.  I certainly don’t feel romantic toward or sexually excited by someone who can’t put the phone or laptop down and actually see and hear me, enjoy my company.

And her last line was like a slap in the face.

You just may be surprised.  It just may be you who’s disconnnected from life, love and romance and overconnected to a PDA.

It brought me back to our most recent argument and something M said.

And I know all the things wrong with that.  I shouldn’t have to see one of my friends, knowingly or not, point out one of my faults to believe it’s a fault. Read more…

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