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Admission and Rambling

July 8th, 2009 3 comments

Until recently, I haven’t really tried in this relationship.  That’s hard for me to say but it’s true.  I’ve given it a half-assed effort like I’ve done with everything I’ve ever done my whole life.  I’ve never admitted that to anyone until just now.

I think Master knew.  I think He’s been telling me that for a long time (What was your first clue? When He said, “You’re doing a half-assed job of being a slave. We both know you can do better.”?).  I always have to see it for myself.  Why is that?  I’m so god damn pigheaded.  Gah!

I’ve realized when I started to doubt my interest in this type of relationship.  And I know, now, that I’m an idiot.  Lol. Cause now that I’m behaving and trying and things are going smoothly and…  I can’t imagine not living like this.  I’ll probably question again.  My moods change with the weather and the weather is damn kooky up here.  But I have this time to look back on and remind myself.

I also know when my faith was restored.  And why.  Read more…

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