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Medical Decisions: Who Makes Them?

July 7th, 2009

NoSafetyPoliceThere was a conversation over on FetLife about medical decisions.  It’s pretty much over now because the couple got sick of hearing the M-type was an abusive asshole for his decision.  But I think it was one hell of a question and would have been an excellent discussion if the bullshit “You’re being abused!” comments were left out of it.  (Besides, I think he made the right decision.  So fuck all you safety police.)

I’m so sick to death of the false criers of abuse and safety police.  They make me so sad.  Are their lives so miserable that they have to attempt to make everyone else’s miserable, too?


Medical decisions.  The OP asked:

In areas of medical situations regarding the s-type, does the general decision-making lie with the s-type who looks for approval from the M/O? Or does the M/O take the initiative and informs the s of the decision? How does it work in the actual doctors office?

While there has been no official passing of the torch, or glances between us, or discussion, or anything like that, M makes all my medical decisions.

He decides when I go to the doctor.  He decides what procedures I endure.  He decides what changes are made to my medication, way of life, diet, etc. 

It’s always been that way.  It wasn’t even a question when I went to the hospital to have my gallbladder removed.  The doctors talked, we both listened, He decided what to do.

Of course, there usually aren’t many options by the time I go to the doctor.  By the time I give in and admit that there might be a problem worth checking out, we’re usually in emergency mode.  I am, without a doubt, more stubborn than most men.

I’m sure if there were decisions to be made, He’d have asked me what I wanted to do.  That way His decision would be based on both of our thoughts and feelings.  I’m also sure that, if our opinions were different, He’d do what He thought best.  I know that the first thing in His mind is always our best interests.

In the throes of pain that I was in, I’d have, without a doubt, said, “Get it out now!”  I am not so much of a masochist that “Something is wrong!” pain is yummy to me.  Those of you who are?  Y’all are absolutely insane.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind.  It just is what it is.

The op said:

Two years ago i developed agonizing attacks of pain that couldn’t be relieved by any OTC painkillers, so off to the Dr i went, after asking Master for permission. Was told i had gallstones, to avoid spicy foods, and to meet with a surgeon at the beginning of the next month. In between, i had three more attacks, the last being severe enough to land me in the ER with three shots of morphine to get it under control. At that point, the surgeon on call told Master and i that he could have me admitted for emergency surgery and i’d be under the knife at 8 AM the next morning, or i would have to wait two weeks for the next available appointment. Being terrified of any more attacks like the one i just had, i was practically stripping my clothes off running for the OR. Master asked to speak to me alone, told me i had to wait until He could arrange for childcare and time off to support me, then informed the Dr i would wait.

I stand behind her owner’s decision 100%.

Doctors usually know what they’re talking about and gallbladder removal isn’t usually as crucial as, say, an appendectomy.  If the doctor said she could wait two weeks, she could wait two weeks.  Honest!  And, as much as it sucks, the job, and especially the kids, won’t just sit there and wait patiently for you to resurface.  They need watching over.

She then went on to say:

i understood the reasoning, and had i not been acting out of fear i would have come to the same conclusion. But i really had to bite the bit and think “Thy will be done” at that moment in time.

Basically, she was petrified and questioned his judgment when it came to her life.  Which, naturally, gave the safety police the green flag to rant about how abused she is and how her owner is a horrible person.

I understand her fear.  It’s hard to see past, “I need surgery!” into, “Master has my best interests at heart.”  Had M had a choice and decided to wait, I probably would have had the same apprehensions.  What if the condition worsened over the two weeks?  What if I died? Oh my god, I could die!  Master has my best interests at heart, doesn’t He?  Then why is any of this more important than my life?

“It can wait.” in these situations, is almost never heard once, “You need surgery.” is spoken.

I don’t understand the, “He doesn’t have your best interests at heart.” posts.  And frankly, they make me ill.

What do you guys think?

Categories: Rayne Tags:
  1. July 7th, 2009 at 16:54 | #1

    I think what you think. That thread pissed me off.

    It’s the same here. He decides whats going to happen to me. Call it the perk of ownership.

    I cannot imagine what it is that the naysayers gain out of pointing that goddamn Red Flag finger all the time.

  2. July 7th, 2009 at 16:54 | #2


    I guess I’ll try this again. last time, I somehow did a back from the keyboard and lost the entire responce instead of postig it. Oh well.

    First, setting aside the M/s aspect ofn the question, medical descisions should never be made in a panic, which is the state the Op claimed she was in (pain will do that). The mere fact that the doctors made the choice of waiting a possibility made that choice the right one. The doctor won’t tell you that it’s safe to wait unless it’s really safe to wait.

    Now, once you add the M/s dynamic into the mix, the viewpoints alter subtly. In a Master/slave relationship, the choice should be made by whomever the couple in question has choosen to make the call. In this case, it was clearly the descision of the Master, not the slave. In such a case, it’s not the slave’s right to gainsay the choice of the Master, let alone some piddling naysayers mknths or years after the fact. Honestly, the slave is alive and healthy. Obviously the choice was the correct one. In a relationship such as the one you’re in (as well as the OP), you’ve made a choice to trust Melen with many vital descisions in your life, more than just when will we have sex and how? Unless you want to repudiate of change the entire nature of the relationship, defying himmon one point isn’t really an option.

    It’s like me and driving. I don’t. I sucked at driving and choose, many years ago, to simply not do it (more people will live–hehe). Thus I rely on others for transportation. Having chosen to not drive, I’ve essentially put myself in a submissive position whe it comes to driving. As such, I NEVER question the actions of whomever is driving me, be they right or wrong. It’s not my place. If I want to control the car, I should get off my duff, get a license and drive myself. Similarly, I won’t put up with people complaining about the driving of the person I’m with if they’re not in the car (not their problem). The OP choose to give her Master the descision making authority in her medical life and it’s not the place of anyone else to question that if she’s okay with it. If she’s not, then that’s her issue to deal with herself.

    I recall that thread and I thought it sucked that a perfectly good discussion topic was hijacked by a bunch of dweebs who don’t understand what some people’s needs are in an M/s relationship. Some people, such as yourself and Kaya, absolutely need to not have a say. It’s not mine, or anyone else’s, to tell you you’re wrong in that. That’s right up there with telling a homosexual that they’re wrong for loving someone of their own gender.

    Sorry, I got carried away. I’ll return you now to your regularly scheduled blog. 🙂


  3. July 7th, 2009 at 20:56 | #3

    Simply I think the decision he made was a good one, if it was freekin life threatening then the damn doctor would have advised against waiting. Now that’s just common sense. He said to wait to organise childcare and take time off work. to me that means he cares and he wants things to run smoothly for both of them and yes two weeks isn’t that long to wait. Sometimes the safety police are so bloody bored they have to jump on the slightest bandwagon to make themselves feel better. Meh.

  4. July 8th, 2009 at 10:49 | #4

    People are all… me, me, me, me, me. He must take care of meeeeee. Well, fuck that. We should take care of each other, take care of our families, take care of the “us” before we take care of me, me, me, me, meeeeee — especially in a situation like you’ve described.

    People are so dumb. So selfish. And so quick to snap out judgments when they feel you’re doing it wrong cuz of their OWN insecurities. If you’re not doing it wrong, they must be! So… No way! You are!

    Hmmph. This is why I avoid FetLife lately. My answer to everything like this (not your post, the responses to the original post) is… you’re dumb. Lol.

  5. July 8th, 2009 at 10:51 | #5

    @kaya Yeah… Naysayers make me sad.

    @dweaver999 I do that *all* the time. It’s damn annoying. I’m pretty sure it’s because i accidentally click off the edit box and then hit the backspace button. I know backspace will make you go back if you have the entire window selected.

    @vanimp I know, right? Annoying fuckers.

  6. July 8th, 2009 at 10:53 | #6

    @Carrie Ann Lol. Well, I started a new group over there for everyone. Safety police and red flaggers, except for in extreme cases (read: I agree… Lol) will be deleted. You’re welcome to come visit. Matter of fact, I’d love it if you did.

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