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Back to Square One

June 18th, 2009 Comments off

I feel like I’m starting over from the beginning.  Like the past six years meant jack shit and I’m just now starting to really comprehend what it means to be a slave.  The knowledge is still there, but all the questions that keep coming up are things I should have had answers to ages ago and didn’t, or did and chose to ignore them, because I had my head firmly implanted in my ass.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.  On the one hand, I want to be really proud of myself for finally getting back on track.  On the other, I feel like a complete moron and want to chalk it up as one more failure.

A ton of stuff is changing.  In me, I mean.

I mentioned my focus.  But it’s more than that.

I’ve always been a very selfish person.  I usually don’t want to do anything if it doesn’t benefit me in some way.  And things like “Cleaning benefits me because I’ll have a clean house.” or “Sucking Him off benefits me because He’s pleased.”?  Yeah, that just didn’t cut it.  Read more…

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