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The Blame Game

June 9th, 2009

pointingfingersWe all play it.  More so in my generation than previous ones.  No one wants to accept responsibility for whatever happens to be causing problems so instead we go around pointing fingers.

If he’d be more of a master, I could be more of a slave!

If she’d be more submissive, I’d be more dominant!

If he didn’t bitch so much, I wouldn’t be so angry all the time.

If she wasn’t so sarcastic, I wouldn’t bitch so much.

Where it ends is anyone’s guess.  We’re all too busy pointing fingers to actually solve the problem.  (I learned that on South Park, thank you very much!)

And then, there’s the occasional acceptance of blame that in no way, shape or form lays at our feet.  Apologizing for things that we had nothing to do with just to make someone else happy.  Accepting responsibility for someone else’s screw up to make the shit stop.

I really don’t care what your dynamic is.  Who you are.  Whether you’re in control or wearing the collar.  The fact remains that, in any relationship (friends, lovers, family, enemies), everyone shares the responsibility of making it work.

If that means biting your tongue when what you really want to do is burn someone’s eyes out with it, you bite your tongue.  If that means pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and getting in your role without depending on the other parties in the relationship to get in theirs, you pull yourself up.

Standing off to the side and saying, “Well, she bitches all the time! She’s not submissive enough! She’s not doing what she’s told!” all the while refusing to actually do something about it will get you no where.

Throwing a tantrum because, “He’s not acting like a master! He never does anything about my behavior! He just lets me get away with everything!” while ignoring the fact that, generally speaking, if we’re being true to who we say we are there should be little to no misbehavior to correct will get you no where.

We’re all human.  Shit happens.  But trying to figure out who caused what will never be conducive to fixing the problem. Pointing fingers will never find a solution.  Even if you’re pointing them at yourself.

I’ve probably said all this before.  But it’s frustrating, watching people be so concerned with where to lay blame that they can’t even figure out what the problem is, much less the solution.  Wanting to grab them by the face and whisper, “The problem isn’t who caused it.  The problem is that you’re so engrossed in who’s fault it is you’ve already forgotten what you were fighting about to begin with!”

And this is advice I need to take also.  I’m not so high and mighty that I don’t realize that.

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  1. June 9th, 2009 at 11:39 | #1

    Good advice for all of us.

    Too bad those who need it the very MOST don’t listen. The twits.

  2. cinnamon
    June 9th, 2009 at 13:15 | #2

    *big fucking applause* Thank you so very much dear!

  3. June 10th, 2009 at 11:02 | #3

    @Carrie Ann I keep forgetting I have to approve comments on this thing. Guess I need to make it part of my daily junk to check for comments. Lol.

    But you’re definitely right. It’s sad they don’t listen.

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