Archive for April, 2009

I’m sorry.

April 30th, 2009 Comments off

So I’m supposed to blog today but I really don’t have much to say except:

I fucked up. I said things I didn’t mean. And I made you think you don’t matter to me.

I could attempt to excuse it away. But there is no excuse.

I’m so sorry I hurt you. I love you, Master.

Please stop worrying. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it.

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Saturday Night

April 28th, 2009 Comments off

So I’ve been jealously guarding the details of Saturday night. They’re mine, damn it. And I wanted to keep them. At least for a little while.

Of course, part of that is because I got lost somewhere in the middle. I forgot what happened almost as it was happening.

I don’t think I can, in good conscience, consider subspace something I can’t attain anymore. We were definitely doing it wrong. And it’s my fault for not speaking up sooner.

One of our favorite things to do, lately, is have insanely long, insanely intense mutual masturbation sessions that eventually turn into wild monkey sex. Let me tell you how giant a step this is for us. Somehow, I think if we’d both opened up this much six years ago we’d have had fewer problems along the way. Maybe not. Who knows, right?

I still don’t remember much. I remember Master wanted me to torture my clit. Had said so two or three times throughout the day before we ended up on the couch watching porn. But I wasn’t interested. I wanted to be beaten. Read more…

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Zeddy Bear

April 28th, 2009 Comments off

That’s Zedd’s new name, dontcha know. More often than not, I just call him Bear. But he answers to Asshole, Shithead, Stupid Bird, Birdie Butt (That’s Master’s nickname for him.) and Loud Ass Bitch. Or just Bitch for short.

Kaya got me all sorts of bird stuff for my birthday (As an aside, I told our downstairs neighbor my friend got me “bird shit… tons of toys and food and stuff” for my birthday. She said, “Well, at least it was toys and food and not actual bird shit. That would’ve been a ‘shitty’ friend.” I thought that was kinda funny and just had to share.). A double swing for small birds with a mirror and play station in the middle, connected rings with a bell on the end, connected cat balls with the bells in the middle and this toy made of wooden blocks and plastic beads with a bell on the bottom just like the one I have for Baby and Sunshine that Zedd’s been trying to steal from them since we brought Him home. Not to mention millet spray and a pineapple calcium supplement and honey dipped bird seed. The birds are in bird heaven.

The connected rings are different shapes. A sun, a star, a cloud and some weird ass shape I can’t figure out. It’s green, the weird ass shape. I’m not sure if that’s significant. But it is to Zedd! Green’s his favorite color. Read more…

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April 26th, 2009 Comments off

So Master beat me last night…


We had fun! Read more…

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Unselfish for a Day

April 23rd, 2009 Comments off

I talked about a bizarre reaction the other day. Okay it was like a week ago. I gotta find a way to keep up with my blog when Master’s home.

I didn’t want to go into detail. I figured it wouldn’t last long. And it didn’t. A couple days at most.

It’s not that I don’t want to keep it up. It’s more that I forget I was doing it and stop. I haven’t forgotten the emotions behind it, though.

After the last time I was in serious trouble, I had a major attitude adjustment. I mean, the likes of which I’ve never seen.

I’m extremely selfish. I don’t apologize for it. I try to curb it but it doesn’t always work. Read more…

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April 16th, 2009 Comments off

Things change an awful lot. So much that it can sometimes leave me in a tailspin. But the most recent change, for us, was more a case of willful ignorance than actual change.

For a long time, I was not allowed (as in, still have a copy of the rules with this particular one in it) to defer to any other dominants. Period. Even my occasional southern-raised “Yes, Sir.” or “Yes, Ma’am.” would get me in trouble until Master realized it was simply how I was brought up. And now it’s rare that it falls out of my mouth. Got tired of the funny looks you get up here in Yanksville for being polite.

We spent some time in some Gorean channels on IRC and there I had to call *everyone* Master or Mistress. I hated it. Especially with the crowd we were hanging around with. They didn’t deserve the titles. They all projected themselves as something they were something they weren’t and it always became painfully obvious as soon as one of the princess slaves got irritated. I swear, one of those girls would drop her diamond tiara and men would leap from the other side of the football field to catch it before it hit the ground.

When we left the Gor channels, I asked Master what to do with regard to this rule because by that point I was utterly confused. I don’t remember what He said. I just know somehow I came to the understanding that I wasn’t supposed to defer to anyone anymore and definitely only supposed to submit to Him without orders. Read more…

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