Archive for March, 2009

SJP#230: Telling Family and Friends

March 31st, 2009 Comments off

How open are you to others about the lifestyle choices you make?Have you told any of your family members? What were their responses?

I haven’t told my family about our lifestyle. They may or may not understand but I’m not willing to take that chance. Knowing my father, it’s always possible they’ve long since found my website and just haven’t told me because they know how irritated I get when I find out they’re snooping.

I have no qualms saying things like “I’ll have to ask M. Make sure He doesn’t have a problem with it.” And I like to pretend they just think we like to be courteous to each other rather than running off to do whatever and letting each other know after the fact. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know and I don’t really care.

Master’s mother and brother know. I don’t know how that came about. Whether He just told them or what. They knew that He participated in [[BDSM]] before I met Him. His mother was shocked when I told her that I, too, participated in BDSM and that I was His slave. It was almost like she expected it from “bad” people and didn’t, at first, view me as a “bad” person. Now, her view has changed because she is convinced that her deteriorating relationship with her son, my owner, is because of me. As if I had that much control… Lol.  Read more…

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Access to Friends and Family

March 26th, 2009 Comments off

Do you have access to your family and friends or is it limited? Could you- or would you want to- serve someone who restricted your contact with others, or does that sort of control not affect your service?

Technically, my access to most people isn’t limited by Him. He’s never said “You can’t call soandso.” or “You can only call soandso this amount of times and/or for this long.”

I’m not allowed to  go places without Him without permission and He almost never gives me permission unless He really has no choice. Like if something has to be done during business hours and He can’t get time off. So if my friends want to hang out, they have to come to our house. Which sometimes becomes a point of contention because all our rl friends aside from the downstairs neighbor (who is on her way to becoming a KAP) are completely vanilla. But whatever *shrug*

My access to my ex and, by default, my children is limited by Him but there’s good reason. Since the day my ex found out things were getting serious between Master and I, he’s done everything in his power to regain control over me. I’m not really sure why. He’s married now and has children with his new wife. And he’s not controlling or abusive with her. So I don’t get it.

Every single phone call between the ex and I contains at least one ultimatum and ends in a lot of name-calling and accusations. He rips me to shreds. We’ve been separated for seven years, we’re both married and he still hashes out every single detail of our past. He questions all of my life decisions, past and present, and tries to find a way to force me out of my relationship with Master. Usually by using the kids. And he doesn’t even know Master beyond knowing His name and what He looks like.

It bothers me sometimes. I get so tired of being in the house all the time. He’s very much a homebody and it’s frustrating when I’m such a social butterfly. But it’s comforting and really aids in my self-control when it comes to the mental disorders I’m diagnosed with. So it’s all good.

Categories: Rayne Tags:

SJP#580: Terms of Endearment

March 24th, 2009 Comments off

I popped over to SubmissiveGuide for an idea today. I’m not doing so hot. This whole being with Master every minute of every day for days at a time thing, while wonderful during, is killing me on days I can’t be with Him all day. I’ve been sitting here crying on and off all day wishing He could just come home.

Codependent? Who, me? Heh.

Are you called a “slut” or some other endearment which traditionally carries a negative connotation? How does it feel in the context of your relationship?

Master pretty much calls me every name in the book and you’d think I’d have a specific reaction to each one every time. But I’m a weirdo. So my reaction changes day to day, situation to situation.

Slut, cunt, whore, bitch, ho, twat… If it’s a derogatory word for female, He probably uses it even if only in jest. It used to bother me. I’d get all bent out of shape. Think I did something wrong. Never really got offended… just thought He was mad at me or something. Read more…

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And the Super Slave award goes to…

March 23rd, 2009 Comments off

Someone over on FetLife listed her rules.

  1. Do not embarrass owner in public.
  2. Obey happily (“now” is understood).
  3. Suffer gladly.

And she implied, if not outright said, that me not having those exact rules somehow made me less than.

I’m not really sure how that works.

Master is a sadist. A pretty extreme one. And from day one He’s said, “Your happiness is unnecessary.” Matter of fact, at times He enjoys the things we do more when I don’t.

And I don’t always suffer gladly. Sometimes it pisses me the fuck off. But I do it. And I don’t complain. Not anymore.

I used to. I used to bitch like mad. But when I realized all my bitching was causing Master to be uninterested in working out His frustrations on me, I stopped. Seemed the intelligent thing to do. Nothing more embarrassing to me than having to find another bottom for Master to beat on because He’s not interested in beating on me anymore.

It’s not that He cared whether or not I liked it. He didn’t. It just became more trouble than it was worth.

And you know, it’s something I had to realize on my own? He told me over and over and I just looked at Him like He was nuts, not grasping the meaning of His words. “But you’re a sadist! How could you not want to beat me??”

There’s more to me than meets the eye, though.

When I like it most is after. When He starts laughing at me because He’s beaten me harder and longer than ever and I just came all over my own fingers and I’m staring up at Him begging for more. When I know I’ve pleased Him. When it hurt like hell and I swore with each stroke that I wouldn’t be able to handle the next and I hung in there like a champ anyway because I knew He wasn’t going to let up until He was damn good and ready.

There’s something to be said for both sides, though. A slave who at least pretends to be happy about every single order is much more pleasing than a slave who sulks through orders she doesn’t like.

But give me a break. Are you honestly going to sit there and tell me you’ve never in your 21 days together life been upset or irritated with some order you were given? You’re going to try to make me believe that there’s never been a scene you’ve been the whipping post in that just really flipped that rage switch for you? You are always happy to do everything that is expected of you?

Well, then, you win. Here’s the Super Slave award for all the moronic incredible slaves out there calling me a princess slave and going on and on about how I just want people to agree with me and can’t handle being disagreed with. Just don’t look at the back of the pin, okay? You won’t like what it says there.

Categories: Rayne Tags:

Relationship “Shoulds”

March 17th, 2009 2 comments

Deleted threads piss me off. I don’t care who did the deleting. The OP, the group owner, a mod, my best friend… It pisses me off. Especially when there is good advice in the thread. If you must moderate, delete the offending comments and instruct the participators to keep their comments on point.  But don’t delete the whole damn thread!

There was a thread on FL about a couple experimenting with a M/M/F threesome. At some point, a lot of debate on whether or not the OP was honorable in his post or in life began which had no place in the thread. Regardless of what really happened and whether or not the OP is honorable, the question is valid and the situation is one that arises often.

The basic gist…

A dom and his slave decide to involve themselves in a M/M/F threesome. Before the act, the dom tells his slave he wants her to “lose herself”. Pretend he isn’t there but he’ll be involving himself when he wants to. Basically, he wanted her to be as big of a whore as possible. To not let the fact that he was there allow her to hold back her desires. The slave obeys but, in the process, ignores her owner when he tries to get involved.

A lot of people got hung up on the details. Ripped apart the OP for being angry that his slave followed his orders. And then started going through his profile and past posts with the obvious intention of discrediting him.

But the details aren’t relevant to the question. At least, I didn’t think they were. Which is why I summed it up as best I could here and left out the parts that had nothing to do with the question, which was should the slave have been more aware of her owner’s frame of mind and acted accordingly.

There were a lot of people saying “She did what you told her to. You had no right to be angry.” I call bull shit.

No one goes into a threesome, no matter the persuasion of the relationship or any directives in place, expecting to be ignored. Hell… I’m a slave and I got pretty pissed off when Master and I had our first threesome (which was M/F/F) and I ended up a third wheel. It wasn’t intentional. The bed was too small and we were in weird positions. As soon as He realized I was getting frustrated, He did what He could to adjust. And afterward, things went smoothly.

Till it was time to send her home. I never know how to do that politely… lol. “Thanks for fucking us. Have a nice day!” just sounds… rude.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

SJP#590: Do over?

March 12th, 2009 Comments off

If you knew then, what you know now… would that have changed any of your choices along the way?

I can’t think today. At all. So I thought I’d steal a prompt from Submissive Journal Prompts and see if I can’t pull my head together a bit. This will probably be a bit disjointed. My mind’s all fuzzy and shit.

I’ve learned so much since Master and I met but most of it is related to all walks of life, not just [[BDSM]]. Things I didn’t believe in have come into play. It’s amazing how much your opinions change with a bit of time and growth.

An example of this is unconditional love and the ability to be angry at someone’s actions without completely destroying the relationship you have with them.

For most of my life, I didn’t believe in unconditional love. I think part of it was because I was Christian. The church would always tell me “God’s love is unconditional.” in one breath and then in the next put all these conditions on it. They’d say “Even when you’re bad, God loves you. But if you’re bad you won’t go to Heaven.” And my adolescent brain just couldn’t get around that. Read more…

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