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Archive for February, 2009

Consent to Nonconsent

February 17th, 2009 Comments off

I think I’ve actually talked about consent to non-consent before. But I posted a question about forced sexual encounters on FetLife and wanted to talk about it again.

A commenter said:

And actually, no Dominant can force that. The sub/slave has the right, always to say NO to absolutely anything.

And:

if one has agreed to do something, then it’s not “forced,” is it? The problem with this question is the whole idea of “forced.” There’s two options. You don’t want to do it, any way , shape or form. But you do it anyway because you have agreed to submit to that person, and have agreed to obey their commands. Still, it’s not “forced.” It’s the slave’s choice/decision to comply with their Master’s commands. If they don’t want to do it, say NO, then are made to do it against their will, after saying NO, then they are being forced. In that case, someone should be arrested, in my opinion.

I was excited, at first, seeing the part about it not being forced. I agree with that. If you’ve agreed to obey and then submit to something you really don’t want to do because you agreed to obey you’re not being “forced”, per se.

It’s the part about forcing a slave who gave up the right to say no to do something against her will being being worthy of a 911 call I have a beef with.

I know what society’s law says where I live. Consent is not a defense. BDSM is assault. No one can own another human being. Slavery is illegal. According to society, I have the right to walk away whenever I choose and if He attempts to take away that right by force or violence He can be (and will be, if He’s turned in) prosecuted. And if I hadn’t wholeheartedly and uncoerced given Him the right to force me to do things against my will, I would agree with that.

But by giving me the right to walk away whenever I choose, aren’t they also giving me the right to choose to stay against my will? By giving me the right to be free of persecution and chains, aren’t they giving me the right to take them upon myself should I so choose? By allowing me to be my own person, aren’t they, too, allowing me to become who my lover wants me to be?

And why is it wrong if I choose to do it by coercion, now that I’ve given consent to being coerced, instead of the way so many of us do it in “vanilla” relationships?  Read more…

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Stress Relief

February 14th, 2009 Comments off

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological tests.

The funny thing is that it works.

  1. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains.
  2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
  3. No one knows your secret place.
  4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.
  5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
  6. The water is crystal clear.
  7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.

See. You’re smiling already.

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That’s what I call “Play Time”!

February 14th, 2009 Comments off

Thursday night was incredible. Master and I pulled an all-nighter again. This time seemed to be a combination of Him wanting me to enjoy it – a LOT – and doing what He wanted. Sort of.

We haven’t had a scene like this in ages. Although, I’m not sure it constitutes a “scene”, per se. But whatever. *shrug*

I can’t help the way SVU makes me feel. I’m a rape victim but being raped – even when it was non-consensual… a secret I’d only actually told Master until this moment – turns me on more than I could ever say. So, instead of boohooing for the girls in the show, I find myself fantasizing about how I would feel if I was the victim.

We watched a few old episodes from the fourth season and that was it. We needed harder porn. Which, let me tell you, is just utterly bizarre because Master never used to think porn was interesting. We’ve since learned that we enjoy watching women be used. “Enjoy” is probably too light a word.

We’ve found a ton of free porn sites, which works out great for us because, while what I really want is clips of Carrie and Taylor playing with knives and Kaya and Scott playing with the misery stick, I’m broke right now. Redtube.com, pornotube.com, tube8.com… those are the ones we’ve been using more frequently. The only thing I don’t like about pornotube is that the listings don’t have the length of the videos on the front page so you don’t know until you go into them.

It started the way it always does, now. Master and I were sitting naked on the couch watching porn and my hand found its way between my legs. From there, I can’t even begin to give an accurate description of what happened. It started with Him playing with the clovers and them not being tight enough for my liking. So I went to get the black and red clamps we bought for Master for one of His woodworking projects. Useless for woodwork. Excellent for nipples and clits. Mine anyway.

So as we’re both torturing the hell out of my poor clamped clit, Master decides He wants to beat me. I’m game! I’ve not had a sound beating in ages.

I expected it to be the way it almost always is when we play. Master diving headlong into the deep end, then swimming into the ocean. I was pleasantly surprised.  Read more…

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AA is Invading My Kinkfest!

February 12th, 2009 Comments off

Oi vey. I’ve never seen so many Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous members in one place. Course, having lived in a small town at the time, the meetings I attended when I got out of rehab were small.

AA works for a number of my family and friends. NA hasn’t worked for anyone I’ve known personally to date but I have a friend who has a friend who has a cousin… You know how that goes.

I don’t necessarily think the meetings are a “bad” thing. I try really, really hard not to discredit things that work for other people just because they don’t work for me. I guess it’s best to say that it just didn’t work for me. I had to get out of my own way before I could recover. And the meetings slammed me right back in my way.

I used to go to my meetings high as a kite, listen to everyone talk about how much fun they had when they were high and run to cop as soon as I walked out the door. I didn’t even stop for the customary cigarette and cup o’ joe. When I got to my spot, there were always at least five other people from the meeting looking guiltily around at the rest of us and giving small self-conscious nods and halfhearted smiles while they waited their turn.

I take issue with a lot of their philosophies. Part of that is because I take issue with the idea that occasional drinking and/or drug use is a “bad” thing. Occasional meaning “once in a while” – knowing your limits and not exceeding them.

It’s my personal opinion that street drugs should be legal and regulated. The price, with tax, shouldn’t go up and the government should find some way to compensate the dealers, if only by giving them licenses to sell. But they should definitely be taxed. Our economy is in the toilet. With the amount of drug users in large cities, I bet legalizing drugs would jump start it.

It would be safer because they could be sure there were no harmful additives and people wouldn’t have to go to knock spots in bad neighborhoods to cop. Hell, I bet we’d find a way to make “Light Cocaine” and “Medium Heroine” and “Full Flavor Crack”. *grin*

Keep the rehabs open. Run your meetings. I’m sure there will still be abusers. I mean, alcohol is abused, isn’t it? Cigarettes are probably technically abused, too, we just don’t really view them as a “drug” outside of AA and NA. And those “drugs” are legal.

But Prohibition proved that the temptation to break the law only fuels the fire when it comes to using something that makes us “feel good”. And alcohol abuse rates went down when the government lifted the ban.

We’re a rebellious bunch, we Americans. Our history started that way. It will probably end that way.  Question authority, I say.  Yes, I realize how ironic that is coming from a slave.  I consented to that authority.  I was born into the rest.  Read more…

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Causing Him Discomfort

February 12th, 2009 Comments off

There’s a possibility that Master inherited fibromyalgia (His mother has fibromyalgia, among other things) or some other similarly symptomatic ailment that causes Him to be in constant pain. Some days are better than others. But sometimes, just resting His arm on me hurts Him.

When we first got together, it didn’t bother Him as much. We cuddled all the time. I’d fall asleep in His lap while watching TV or lay across His legs when we were out picnicking… But over the years, it’s gotten worse.

This is particularly difficult for me because I’m a cuddle bug. It’s not one of those things that if I can’t have it I’m lost. It’s just not easy having to be careful about when I clobber Him with affection.

He realizes it’s hard on me and tries to deal with the pain when He can. Sometimes that means a ten second hug and then back to my side of the couch. Sometimes it means He’s in pain for a while afterward because He wanted to hold me despite the pain. But, more often than not, it means I don’t get the luxury of falling asleep in His arms or wrapping myself around Him to keep warm.

Last night, He fell asleep with His arm draped over me. It didn’t last long. Thirty minutes, tops. Then He woke up and turned over. But while it was there, I was in heaven.

I couldn’t fall asleep. I was too excited to have Him sleeping with His arm around me. I just laid there concentrating on the feel of His relaxed muscles and the weight of His arm pressing me into the mattress. The warmth of His skin and the tickle of His fingers as they twitched against my side. It was so blissful just laying there… until I started feeling guilty about the pain He’d eventually be in.

Are there things your owner does for you that cause him/her discomfort? Things that you could never take for granted because you know how much they bother them?

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TMI Tuesday?

February 11th, 2009 Comments off

TMI Tuesday

So I’m a day late and a dollar short. Sue me. I liked the questions 😛

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?

There’s an un-sexy part of the body? Hmm…

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?

I used to be an under girl. There was one reason for that. In our last apartment, the landlord put the toilet paper holder directly over the heating vent. If I put the tp over, the toilet paper was off the roll and in a pretty pile on the floor in ten seconds flat regardless of size. Now I put it over. And the small part of the holder has to go to the left. I’m so OCD.

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?

Master and I used to do that all the time when I was working at Bed, Bath and Beyond. So much so that, while they couldn’t fire me because I was their hardest worker with the most product knowledge, they seriously wanted to because my attendance sucked. According to the HR manager, I was out every Tuesday from December to June… lol. But I almost always stayed late and went in on my days off, provided Master already had to work and I wasn’t doing anything.

4. Did your parents have a “birds & bees” talk with you? If so, at what age?

My parents pretty much left that up to the school. When my mom was pregnant for my sister, they realized I’d probably, being the most curious five year old they’d met, ask where babies came from and bought me a book called “So that’s where babies come from!”

It’s about a little boy who’s mom got pregnant and he went to school and asked where babies came from. They never say exactly what his friends told him but he’s thoroughly grossed out by it. The parents then proceed to tell the boy that when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much they get in bed with all their clothes on and hug and a few months later a baby comes along.

I remember being disappointed that there wasn’t anything about sex in it. I already knew the truth and was pretty offended that my parents lied to me.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?

I dunno. Master always finds a way and it always surprises me.

Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?

Ecstasy.

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