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January 8th, 2009

This morning threw me for a loop. Granted, part of the problem was that I had a dream Master was in a car accident. I don’t remember the outcome. Only that I was scared.

We’ve spent damn near every waking moment together (I go to His office with Him sometimes on Mon and Wed – till next week. I’ll only be able to go on Mon starting next week) since the weekend before Christmas until He had to go back to work this week. And this morning I fell apart.

I didn’t want to be home by myself and I absolutely did not want Him to go to work. I went down to start the truck (before I started crying) and my heart leaped into my throat. The truck wouldn’t start! Maybe there is some deity somewhere that was listening to my wishes! Except then it started up like a champ and ran as if it hadn’t choked to begin with.

When I got upstairs Master asked me if I was mad at Him. And that’s when I started bawling.

I’ve never passed it off as silly, my attachment to Him. Probably not the healthiest thing if you ask the shrinks around the world, but not silly. Yet I still feel silly when I cry when He goes to work. It just sucks not being able to spend all my time with Him.

Yeah, yeah… that’s life. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. All couples deal with it. Most are grateful for the time away. Be lucky most days it’s only eight hours. And blah blah blah.

I’m not really caring what’s normal. Being away from Him and not being able to touch Him and look at Him and hear His voice whenever I want hurts, damn it. I can’t believe I almost threw it all away.

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