So we found a new apartment and we started moving in today. The landlord, aside from openly admitting that he’s not exactly the best about fixing stuff, seems pretty cool. And won’t be up our asses! Matter of fact, the only time we’ll see him is when we’re paying rent. That’s awesome!

Our current landlord is awesome, too. He called the new landlord and told him we’re excellent tenants and he wishes he didn’t have to let us go. Although I think that last is more because he’s allowing his daughter to move in and he’s paying for everything himself. As nice as it would be to have everything handed to me, I’m glad my parents made me work for things. I wouldn’t have survived as long as I have if they had handed me everything.

The apartment’s small and it’s in our old neighborhood. That kind of sucks. But I really like it and, oddly enough, I’m more comfortable in our old neighborhood than I am here.

Here I feel like I have to put on airs and be someone I’m not cause of all the rich bitches that live in this town. There I can sit up in our cozy lil apartment and be who I am and not care what anyone thinks. Cause everyone’s fucking up there. Even if they’re not, just the fact that they’re living there means they’re fucking up. It’s one of those neighborhoods.

I’m going to enjoy having everything major within walking distance again. Stewarts up the road. Library two blocks away. Along with the courthouse, police station, post office, city hall, head shops, theaters (movie and play), Price Chopper, gas stations. I could probably go on forever.

And the pizza place across the street from our current apartment? My favorite pizza place in the world? Yeah, they deliver there. Isn’t that fucking awesome??

There’s a bar across the street. I’m looking forward to going to the bar again. It’s been years. And, since the majority of my friends are over 21, I have a place to meet the friends that I don’t want to bring up to my apartment for whatever reason. Like if I want to meet more than three people at once (friends still have “reunions”, right?). Because the apartment’s that small.

There’s stores on either side of us and a bank three buildings up. And, aside from the gaggle of kids standing on the corner waiting for the bus, the morning seems to be pretty quiet there. That works for me. I like quiet mornings.

I’ve started a blog on honesty. It’s actually a little more revealing than I’m used to. But hey! You gotta open up sometime, right?  Read more…

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a Man like you’s impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I’d never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a Man like you’s impossible to find
It’s impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I’m yours to keep
And hold on to your words ’cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you’re asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a Man like you’s impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don’t make me change my mind

Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a Man like you’s impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

I love You, Master.

… love this. Master and I have been saying this for years. And this is why we don’t have a myspace or mydungeonspace or facebook or any other space besides our own.

Though we are on Twitter now. You can stalk us there if you like. Gotta have an account, though. I’ll even try to remember to update it occasionally.

As for a real blog… there will be one. I just have no idea when.

… but he’s right. If she can’t even tell us what media she keeps up with, how can she run the country? Yes, yes. I know. She’s not running for president. But that’s something we have to consider. John McCain is 72.

I considered taking the blog about me not being able to leave down. But then I realized that would be a little dishonest to any future readers. Not to mention my past readers, at this point, know that I went off on a tangent about not being able to leave and then left.

So first I want to apologize.

To Master for thinking I knew myself well enough to promise Him something it turned out I couldn’t give at the time. And for not talking to Him when I realized things were bad enough to make me want out. And for not believing that He cared enough to work through the mess without me taking such drastic measures. And for basically blackmailing Him into giving me things that I really didn’t have to have to begin with but thought I did. I haven’t proven myself to be very much of a slave.

And I want to apologize to my readers. For putting myself out there as something I wasn’t.

I wasn’t as enslaved as I wanted everyone, self included, to believe I was.

I could say I’ve repeatedly mentioned the fact that I’m not infallible. I could pretend it can all be brushed under the rug with the shrug of a shoulder and everything will just be perfect. But the fact of the matter is I caused some serious trust issues between Master and I and things will probably take a while to fix.

I can’t say I blame Him for not trusting my word right now. My word meant shit last Thursday when I fled.

I learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks that I didn’t know before. And I realized that, while I pay lip service to the fact that a relationship takes two (or three, or ten, or however many are involved) people working hard to succeed, I didn’t really practice what I preached. I’ve committed myself to working hard on this relationship.

What does that mean? Read more…

I’m not very good at writing, to be honest; rayne is the writer. I felt the need to post something tho, because this was a very important, and painful, time in our relationship. This blog, I hope, will help someone someday while they’re working through tough times in their relationship. It’s not all about sex (hell, we have damn good sex, no problems there!). Your mileage may vary, as a disclaimer, because your relationship may be different.

I don’t want to get into a lot of detail, but I think that some detail would be appropriate, else there will be no frame of reference for anyone reading either of our blog entries.

Essentially what happened, due to many reasons (not the least of which is a breakdown of communication on both of our parts), rayne left while I was at work. The reason she left is that she was afraid. Some of this was due to my unthinking use of my mouth, and some is due to rayne not analyzing the situation and talking to me before it got too much for her to bear. She is back at home (and was back the same day), but it has left both of us raw.

I want to talk about this from 2 different point of views.

Those that have read the site know that we are Master and slave, as well as husband and wife. I’ve always thought the Master/slave part of our relationship was the more important of the two. I no longer think that, because I think each piece of our relationship offers us different things. On the Master/slave side is order, control, raw lust in a lot of cases, and on the husband/wife side is pure, unadulterated love, want and need for each others company. Sometimes the two overlap. Sometimes one takes precedence at a given time (i.e. if punishment is called for, I do not believe it’s appropriate for the “husband” to interfere, if that makes any sense). Read more…