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Muddle through… please?

September 9th, 2008 Comments off

Just a forewarning…

This entry is sort of all over the place. If you can muddle through the passive-aggressive bullshit it’s almost interesting. I’m whiny lately. Not really sure why. Maybe I just need a good, hard thrashing. *eyes the working Master suspiciously*

Did I mention I joined Fetlife? I joined Fetlife.

I think the main reason I don’t always notice drama on forums is because, unless I asked the question, I ignore most of the responses. I know… I know… The whole point of forums is getting into a good snarking match with some bitch who just doesn’t get it and should fuck off and die… Or is it?

I’ve been increasingly snarky myself lately. Here. Not anywhere else. I don’t think. But mainly because the more I read of people the more jaded I get and it’s sort of… disheartening. Not everyone, mind. My favorites are still tucked securely in their little hidey-hole close to my heart. But some.

ANYway… That’s not why I’m writing. I’m writing because on Fetlife I came across a thread about tears. And if they’re not called “threads” on Fetlife I really… don’t care. Is that rude? It’s not meant to be.

I’m easily sidetracked today.

Tears. A thread about tears.

I responded. (Can you tell I’m trying to remember where I was going with this?)

Crying embarrasses me most of the time. I used to fight it as hard as I could and excuse myself from everyone’s presence if I couldn’t. Thanks to my father’s tutelage, I feel like it’s a sign of weakness.

That being said, it turns me on like you wouldn’t believe when Master is able to push me to tears through emotional or physical torment (provided it’s not the result of me screwing up or something).

This doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel about tears.

When Master and I first got together, I would fight like you wouldn’t believe to keep Him from seeing me cry. Crying proves He can beat me. Mentally. Not physically. Though probably physically, too, if it came right down to it. Crying proves He’s found a way so deep inside my head that He can change my emotional state all by His lonesome regardless of how hard I try to lock Him out. And that’s just not something I allowed anyone at that point in my life, let alone this man I just met who had already professed His interest in dominating me.  Read more…

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