First things first. I got out of the shower yesterday afternoon (I was off you know!) and decided to see how much more weight I would have to lose to be in my favorite “skinny pants” (a pair of black wide-leg jeans I haven’t been able to wear since I was 20). I put one leg in and was surprised at how loose it felt. Then I slid the other in and tugged them up… over my thighs… then over my hips… then I buttoned them with ease and zipped them without sucking in.

And I screamed.

I literally bounced around the house laughing and giggling while I got ready for lunch with Master. It feels so good to be back in those jeans. And when we went to lunch, I ordered a $5 sub from Quizznos. I only ate half and half my cookie and saved the rest for later. I’m so proud. Usually I’d force myself to eat at least three quarters before choking down the entire cookie. I still drank way too much soda.

Ok… the real reason I wanted to write.

I’m going to try real hard not to be offensive but I’ve got a bitch. Just a little one. And I figured that since everyone else has been ranting about the community lately, it’s my turn.

I am so sick of the holier than thou, my moral compass points in the right direction and yours is way off, all the ways around here are my ways and you’d do best to ask permission to use them cuntery that is going on everywhere you turn in the BDSM community. My own included.

Okay, that was offensive.

But how dare we all, especially us Pagans and except Master because if I include Him in this I’m a dead woman, presume to know exactly how the human race should operate as a whole. And yes this is my midlife crisis and multiple personality disorder (I mean that in jest and in no way mean to offend anyone who is or isn’t going through either, though I know it will.) speaking. Nice to know you.

I mean, we all want to be allowed to live as we want to. To just be free to live as we feel is the correct way to live for ourselves. So how can we pretend to not understand and appreciate that everyone wants that right?

I get so tired of hearing how much better everyone’s life is than everyone else’s because they do a, b and c instead of x, y and z.

“My master puts me up on a pedestal and never touches me unless I ask him to. He licks my toes and sucks my ass hole and begs to kiss my lips. I am his most prized possession and because of this my relationship is better!”

“My master strings me from the ceiling so that only the very tips of my toes can touch the ground. He swings me from my wrists for hours and sometimes days as he beats me to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat that he’s drilled ten inch spikes into poking out at all directions. I have hundreds of thousands of permanent scars, ten signed casts that stink to high heaven because of how long they had to stay on, twenty three sets of finger braces and ace bandages. I can stitch myself now because of how often I’ve watched the nurses do it at the local free clinic. And now I’m going to go do coke until I overdose so my GODLIKE MASTER can bring me back from the dead completely whole and without a mark to do it all over again. My relationship is better.”

“I know for a fact that neither of those things are even remotely possible because I cannot do them. And because my master does not do them. And no one can do anything that my master does not or I cannot do. It’s just a fact of life. Because we wrote the book on BDSM and no one else does it the right way. So we are better.”

Well, guess what? I’m better than all of you. ::snicker:: I’m better because I know that you guys are all intolerant fuck-heads who can’t accept that people are different. Because different is scary. Different means that it’s possible that you’re not doing it right. And oh good purple cabbage from the west that scares the bejesus out of you.

And you know what? That’s okay, too. It’s perfectly fine that you need to believe yourself superior in some part of your life to counteract the fact that you are not superior in your relationship. There’s a little bit of bad in every good person. Just accept it and understand that the bad does not out weigh the good. You will not become a bad person because you accept your failings. You’ll just love yourself a little more.

That’s good advice. I should take it myself. Heh…