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Business is Rarely Personal

August 24th, 2008

Sometimes I find myself taking things others say rather personally. Even when I realize that a) they probably don’t even know who I am and b) I’m just a slave, not their slave and don’t even rate in the grand scheme of things in their mind. I’m told it’s normal when someone attacks your way of life or your beliefs to feel like you’re being attacked on a personal level. That doesn’t change the icky feeling it brings when I know I have no real reason to feel that way.

I read something on a board about a slave being too secure hindering her ability to serve. That if she knows that she will never be released due to misbehavior or the master’s displeasure or whatever then she is the one with control… not the master. And immediately, I had a million things to say in response. All of them explaining why I disagree. All of them defending a slave’s “right” to security. I chose to bring it here out of fear of saying the wrong thing and landing my ass in a whole heap of trouble. I’m good at that!

Because Master tells me frequently that I’m stuck. That He won’t release me. And that I will behave or I will be one incredibly unhappy camper. While He prefers the former, the sadist in Him would enjoy the latter as well.

I think security can be an important factor in any relationship. While the knowledge that at any moment a relationship can be terminated is always in the back of the minds of all parties involved, I find it extremely important to know that it would take something drastic to cause that. And I find that not having that security causes all sorts of drama, from misbehaving to outright begging release to spare the devastation of being released on someone else’s terms.

Now, I realize I’m basically saying the same thing. Because the person said that he’d never release his girl over piddly shit but the very real notion of “If you cease to make me happy, I will be rid of you.” is something that makes it work for both of them. To each their own. For us, “If you cease to make me happy, I will use you to make myself happy.” makes it work. In my opinion, neither way is wrong. Just different.

I get really frustrated with the one true wayist (read: anyone who is absolutely convinced that only they are correct in their method/definition(s)/belief(s)/idea(s)/lifestyle/etc…. I don’t only apply this colloquialism to BDSMers. They’re in all walks of life.). And this is a side note. I’m not saying the post I’m babbling about was written by a “one true wayist”. It wasn’t.

I used to be a one true wayist. Now I’m very much a “This is what works for us but do what works for you!”…ist. Because I’m seeing more and more that it really doesn’t matter what I believe is the correct way to do things. When it comes right down to it my definition of “slave” only has to apply to me and who the hell cares what Joe Blow thinks the definition of “slave” is if he doesn’t own me?

Yes, it would be awesome if there was a BDSM Bible with exact definitions of every term ever used in the BDSM world. But then we’d all be whining about how we’re controlled by the definitions forced upon us by the BDSM Bible.

From where I sit, there is a right way and a wrong way. Everyone has to find their own definitions of both. There are six billion people on the planet. The chances of getting them all to agree on anything are slim to none.

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