Archive for August, 2008

Uh… rant? What rant? I’m just talking here…

August 30th, 2008 Comments off

First things first. I got out of the shower yesterday afternoon (I was off you know!) and decided to see how much more weight I would have to lose to be in my favorite “skinny pants” (a pair of black wide-leg jeans I haven’t been able to wear since I was 20). I put one leg in and was surprised at how loose it felt. Then I slid the other in and tugged them up… over my thighs… then over my hips… then I buttoned them with ease and zipped them without sucking in.

And I screamed.

I literally bounced around the house laughing and giggling while I got ready for lunch with Master. It feels so good to be back in those jeans. And when we went to lunch, I ordered a $5 sub from Quizznos. I only ate half and half my cookie and saved the rest for later. I’m so proud. Usually I’d force myself to eat at least three quarters before choking down the entire cookie. I still drank way too much soda.

Ok… the real reason I wanted to write.

I’m going to try real hard not to be offensive but I’ve got a bitch. Just a little one. And I figured that since everyone else has been ranting about the community lately, it’s my turn.

I am so sick of the holier than thou, my moral compass points in the right direction and yours is way off, all the ways around here are my ways and you’d do best to ask permission to use them cuntery that is going on everywhere you turn in the BDSM community. My own included. Read more…

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Whining is unbecoming a slave…

August 28th, 2008 Comments off

… but I’m so damned annoyed!

So I’m down to 219 and holding. It’s pissing me off. I got on the scale this morning and it said 218.4. It’s the first time I’ve been below 219 since this insane scramble to lose started (Speaking of which, I forgot to ask Master if He wanted me to start my new exercise regime today.). And I’m guessing this time next week it’ll be back up again.

Work… well, I can’t decide if work sucks balls or if my period’s making me overly touchy. I was almost in tears when I left the mansion and absolutely livid by the time I got home today. It’s not what they’re doing so much as what’s different. The bosses went from overly cheerful and utterly pleased with my work to suddenly sarcastic and not a smile to be seen. And there is absolutely no indication as to why.

Today, after a major scare (Roast turkey breast for lunch – precooked but still mostly frozen – Oven was on 500 from the minute I walked in – 5:55am – until I temped it at 11:30. It temped at 136. For those of you not in the know that’s way too low.), I managed to save lunch and get it out without a hitch. So long as you ignore the fact that I spilled hot (just out of the oven) turkey juice all over my leg (then lifted the cloth of my scrubs off my skin just long enough for it to cool – about five seconds – and went back to serving) and somehow stuck my hand in extremely hot (just out of the oven) apple cobbler (then ripped the sanitation glove off, put a new one on and went back to serving… had I not had a glove on I’d have snatched back a hand covered in third degree burns), which everyone else did. Read more…

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Reasons to Yell

August 26th, 2008 Comments off

So I decided to write my blog for today. And I’m stuck at nothing.

I’ve gotten yelled at a lot. Before I even think about what I’m doing I let little smart ass comments slip out of my mouth. I get frustrated and just can’t clamp my teeth down on my tongue.

Like the other day… Master and I have started sitting in the bedroom at night instead of being on the computer or watching TV. Sometimes we read. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we just sit there and stare at the walls making comments every now and then. Really depends on what’s going on and how tired we are.

I’ve been epically tired lately. Waking up at 2:30 every morning when I don’t have to be up till 5 bites balls! But that’s another story. Read more…

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Business is Rarely Personal

August 24th, 2008 Comments off

Sometimes I find myself taking things others say rather personally. Even when I realize that a) they probably don’t even know who I am and b) I’m just a slave, not their slave and don’t even rate in the grand scheme of things in their mind. I’m told it’s normal when someone attacks your way of life or your beliefs to feel like you’re being attacked on a personal level. That doesn’t change the icky feeling it brings when I know I have no real reason to feel that way.

I read something on a board about a slave being too secure hindering her ability to serve. That if she knows that she will never be released due to misbehavior or the master’s displeasure or whatever then she is the one with control… not the master. And immediately, I had a million things to say in response. All of them explaining why I disagree. All of them defending a slave’s “right” to security. I chose to bring it here out of fear of saying the wrong thing and landing my ass in a whole heap of trouble. I’m good at that!

Because Master tells me frequently that I’m stuck. That He won’t release me. And that I will behave or I will be one incredibly unhappy camper. While He prefers the former, the sadist in Him would enjoy the latter as well. Read more…

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Party Till You Drop!

August 23rd, 2008 Comments off

This week’s been a little crazy, if you hadn’t noticed from the lack of entries. Not because of work this time. Because I’ve gotten increasingly addicted to my sudden influx in time alone with Master. He’s been home most of the week due to His over night work.

He took yesterday off as comp time for all the extra work He’s been doing lately. He worked something crazy like eighteen hours straight getting a server that caught on fire installed on another machine. We spent the entire day talking. Well, we went to cash my check and grocery shopping. And then we spent the rest of the day talking.

Which brings me to the only reason I wanted to write this morning.

I was apologizing for not being everything He needs in a slave. For making His life at home more difficult rather than easier. For always having an attitude problem. Part of the recent goings on have been due to my period but that’s no excuse. I need to learn to control it. I’ve learned to control all my other quirks.

He said, “You’re a royal fucking cunt!” and He paused for a second. “But I wouldn’t give you up for anything in the world.”

I just hugged His leg and smiled. It’s wonderful to be wanted.

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Abandoned Cane: Used!

August 19th, 2008 Comments off

Master used the abandoned cane for the first time. And I liked it! Can you believe it?

I don’t really know what else to say. Toward the end He started hitting me harder and I started to hate it. But my cunt just continued to get wetter. Cause when I hate it is when I love it most.

He said something like “I bet the old owner used this to beat his wife with. Keep her in line.” For some reason, He really likes that notion.

It’s fun to wonder about that old cane. To wonder who it belonged to, what they did with it. Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty. What if some fetishist went there to do a photo shoot and left it behind? And they planned on going back and retrieving it? Finders keepers? Somehow I think they’d feel differently.

Buuuut it’s too late now. I am not going back and returning it. I might go back. But the cane will stay in Master’s possession unless He decides otherwise. Especially since I love it so much! Sorry friendly kinkster. It’s mine now!

Is that wrong? Lol…

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