Archive for July, 2008

Cat Fight

July 31st, 2008 2 comments

So… I’m on TSR and FetLife now.  Some of you have noticed.  It’s weird.

Not really.  I mean it’s just a normal forum or whatever… or is it?   O.o

It’s laid out all strange and confused the hell out of me at first.  But I’m getting used to it.

Last night was absolutely insane, and I’m really not sure how I got to sleep.  Master’s ex seems to think it’s okay to yell at me.  That’s probably the “She’s just a slave.” mentality she’s had since practically day one.

Which… she’s right.  I am just a slave.  But nothing gets my hackles up faster than a bitch I can’t stand yelling at me because she’s mad at someone else.  So, I yelled back.  I’m not sure I was supposed to do that.  But Master was more angry with her for yelling at me in the first place and then lying and trying to tell Him I started it.  Yes, we are a couple of children!

I don’t know what it is about that bitch.  I just can’t keep my mouth or attitude in check with her.  And it’s not the typical “Oh she’s Master’s ex so I hate her.” bull shit.  It’s more along the lines of “She was my best friend, hooked Master and me up, and then decided she made a mistake and wanted Him back.” bull shit.

Bitches.  I tell ya.

However, she’s not a slave.  I guess in the grand scheme of things that means I should be… respectful?

This is where I start to slide backwards.

But she should be a little respectful of me too! I’m not her slave.  And she doesn’t believe in “the lifestyle”.  So she should treat me the way I deserve to be treated as a human being! And who the hell does she think she is trying to boss me around? Calling me names? What are we? Five? Where the hell does she get off flipping on me because Master doesn’t want to listen to her justify her bull shit? It’s not my fault.

And she knows I have no control over Him or the situation.  So yelling at me isn’t going to get her anywhere.  And yelling at Master definitely isn’t going to get her anywhere.  And she’s just a bitch too.  So we’re on equal footing! (And this is where I start over.) So where the hell does she get off yelling at me??

Yeah… I know everything wrong with that.

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July 30th, 2008 Comments off

I got it! It goes in tomorrow along with my raise! And they’re working out coverage until the kitchen staff is full so that I don’t have to work 12 days in a row!!

Things at my job are starting to look up. Now let’s just hope I don’t fall flat on my face.

My second in command is starting next week. She and I get along really well. She’s been working there as housekeeper for a while now and she’s super sweet. She trained today and will be finishing her training with me on Friday. Unfortunately, that means I won’t be getting out at 2 on Friday like I hoped but the money in my check is going to be sweet!

Now if child support would stop fucking Master over we’d be set.

It’s not that He doesn’t want to pay. He does! He just wants to not keep getting told He owes arrears when the money comes out of His check every pay period and goes directly to them. NYS child support really needs to revamp their system. But hey! Who cares, right? It’s not them struggling to survive every time they screw up.

Today was a good day at work, though, and I’m hoping to keep having them. If things go my way, I will.

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No Sign of Stopping

July 29th, 2008 Comments off

Day six and still no sign of stopping. I’m probably stuck working at least 12 days in a row. I’m already wiped.

They bought me the cutest scrub top. It’s Disney babies. And they’re adorable. So now I have two Disney tops.

Today’s going to be crazy. On Friday, one of the PCAs threw a temper tantrum and I was the center of it. Someone told J that we were screaming at each other in front of the residents but that’s just not true. I asked her to come to the kitchen so I could shut the door. And she did. And we talked in the kitchen until the residents were in the dining room. Talked. We didn’t scream. M wants to talk to us today.

My ex-boss left a ton of shit for me to do. Thank goodness I have till Thursday for most of it. But I need to get started today. Read more…

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Bubbles and Sunshine!

July 24th, 2008 Comments off

co-de·pen·dent adj.

  1. Mutually dependent.
  2. Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling.

I guess, based on the definition, I’ve been using the wrong word. I’m not real sure what the right one is, though. But basically what it comes down to is the more I spend my five days off pretending they’re never going to end and I’m going to be able to spend every minute of my life with Master without interruptions the harder it is for me to go back to work on Thursday. The harder it is for me to stay at work on Thursday. The harder it is for me to function at work on Thursday.

Six years ago I would have run far and fast. Six years ago I would have recognized the downward spiral into being incapable of surviving on my own, taking care of myself, and I would have packed my shit and made a quick escape to the nearest friend or family member. I would have believed, based on years of psychobabble and society’s views, that I was in danger of losing myself and becoming someone I didn’t like.

But Master likes me this way. And I like me this way. And I get by better outside of work this way than I would if I didn’t feel so deeply connected and so powerless without Him. Read more…

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Abandoned Cane

July 23rd, 2008 Comments off

Yesterday Master and I started on a hike that was supposed to be *just* a hike. Then we decided it was time to explore the abandoned houses we’ve been lusting after for… well, as long as we’ve been hiking there.

Being the fearless beast I am, I trotted right through all the extremely tall (read: taller than me in some places and almost as tall as Him) weeds and grasses and wandered through all the rooms. I climbed the rickety, un-railed stairs to the second floor of the second house we walked through, then hurried up the next set to the attic.

It was there that I saw it. A small, seemingly metal hook laying on the hardwood floor of the attic. I got all excited thinking maybe it lifted lose floor boards and hid some really cool treasure trove. So… I grabbed it, lifted it, and realized it was an old abandoned rattan cane. Much thinner than the one Master already owns.

Before my mind could engage, my traitorous mouth was already singing “Daddy! I found a new toy for you!” It seems to be in pretty good condition so the question is how do I go about cleaning it without destroying it so we can use it? Or should we just put it on a shelf and admire it?

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July 22nd, 2008 2 comments

Master made me cut myself. I really don’t have much else to say about it.

I expected it to be this major thing. I expected to balk. I expected hesitation and tears and… There was none of that.

It’s not very deep. Short and simple. “Just enough to bleed.” were His instructions. It took forever to part the flesh and when I finally did, He leaned in and licked the blood off my tit.

He gave the order like it was major. I think He expected me to make a huge deal of it too.

“Do you want to make your master happy?” “Yes, Master.” “Kneel.”

And then He handed me a razor blade and told me to cut my tit. And I did.

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