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Seasonal Service

June 26th, 2008

So a while back kaya re-posted a list of questions a slave can ask herself if she’s decided that her owner isn’t treating her the way he should. That in and of itself is sort of laughable. A slave deciding her owner isn’t treating her the way he should, I mean. But it’s something a lot of us worry about.

How come Master’s domination has changed so much? He used to do it this way and now He’s doing it that way. He used to beat me all the time and fuck me nonstop and actually ENJOY spending time with me and now, more often then not, He’s blowing me off or sending me to find something else to do with my time. Things are just… wonky!

Unfortunately, I can’t link to the list right now because the site’s down till the first. I’ll get a link up as soon as possible.

The first time I read it, I was pissed. How come it’s always my fault?? Don’t these masters ever take responsibility for their actions? And if they don’t, why should we? Aren’t they the example we’re supposed to be following?

The list forces a slave to look at her service (or lack thereof) with questions as simple as Has my service changed?

I read it again. And I read it again. And I started kicking myself.

Master and I try not to lay blame. Mostly because… well, it’s not really my place to say “You’re screwing up when you do this!!” Who am I to judge my owner? But also because once we get going trying to figure out who caused things to change it could take us hours (if He doesn’t stop it by pulling rank – which is totally what He should do!) to actually get to the bottom of it with all the “Well you did this!” and “Well you stopped doing this!”ing we do. When things are awry, we try to look at ways we both can correct things provided the issue is something like “We don’t spend time together anymore!” and not “Can’t you keep the sarcasm out of your voice, cunt?” When there’s blatant disrespect and orders being disobeyed or out right ignored these things need to be corrected before we can even begin to touch base again.

There’s been a great deal of orders being out right ignored lately. Standing orders, mostly. Tasks not being completed, firing off PMs to men in response to something they sent to me without even thinking about asking permission first let alone actually doing it, just wandering around doing whatever I want without first checking with Him… I’d gotten complacent with Him not saying anything. I’d come to believe that Him not saying anything meant either He didn’t notice or He didn’t care.

And then I had the nerve to ask permission to get actively involved in a bill campaign I really believe in (and He does too) that’s going on in our state and get angry when He told me I had to start keeping up with what I was supposed to be doing for Him before I could take anything else onto my plate. He didn’t say no. And He made it clear He wasn’t saying no. He just said “Keep your obligation to me first.” I might have lost that opportunity (permission to do it, I mean) because of the way I acted. I haven’t had the nerve to ask.

He’s absolutely right. (Duh, rayne. Thank you, Captain Obvious.) Even if He wasn’t Master He’d be right, though. How could I ever hope to take on another obligation if I can’t even take care of the ones I have?

There’s so much I started and then stopped because it was inconvenient for me or made me uncomfortable. Once upon a time I would have done them anyway. And I assumed that since He never said anything He didn’t care. So my service has changed. And even if that’s not the whole reason He doesn’t beat me or play with me every chance He gets… maybe not even a small part of the reason… it still excludes me from fighting the It’s really not always the slave’s fault things are wonky.fight.

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