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Overcoming Self-Loathing

June 22nd, 2008 Comments off

Slavereen asked:

My question is, how do you overcome the self negativity? I have this problem too and for the life of me have not been able to get rid of this pattern of thought and it’s driving Master crazy. I was just wondering if you’d be able to share what you do to get better at this or if you have any advice from a slave’s perspective.

This area, unfortunately, is particularly difficult for me. I have severe self-esteem issues and a laundry list of mental diagnonsense and sometimes, if I’m to be honest, I simply don’t overcome it. I push it to the back of my mind and try to remind myself that if Master felt about me the way I feel about myself He wouldn’t own me.

Something I’ve learned about Master in the (almost) six years we’ve been together is that He’s very particular about not owning shit. He likes to own things of some value. His belongings must be pleasing to His eye (which isn’t always the same as what is pleasing to someone else’s) and functional. And because of this if He didn’t think He could fix the pattern of behavior He doesn’t like in me, or at the very least cope with it, He wouldn’t own me. Most men are that way.

That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes. We like to believe our love and service are more important than our (occasional?) bad behavior. But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. No matter how much you love someone, if there’s something about them that you positively cannot deal with, and they either refuse to change or are incapable, staying with them becomes more of a hindrance than a joy. Regardless of the type of relationship.

I’m often reminding myself in these times that, even though we’re no where close to standing on equal ground, this relationship is very much a partnership.

I think I’ve said the opposite in the past. Mostly because when people think “partnership” they think “equal”. But also because that’s what is expected of me as a slave. To vehemently deny that our relationship fully depends on both of us, and a great deal of cooperation, to survive. Read more…

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