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A slave’s apology

May 30th, 2008

Ever have one of those days where you just can’t seem to communicate well? Where everything you say comes out the exact opposite of how you meant it? Or the person you say it to completely misunderstands? How do you handle those things?

I tend to snap back. Even when I realize that it was me who misspoke or wasn’t careful with how I worded things. And then things spiral out of control because we’re both defensive. Because they (they usually being Master) think I said something I didn’t and are upset and I’m not understanding why they’re upset, thinking I said something perfectly harmless, and getting upset myself.

Last night I said exactly what He thought I said. I just didn’t mean it they way He thought I meant it. And I should have known better. He wasn’t in the mood and He’d been dealing with a lot of things at work (the usual lack of appreciation corporate employees have to deal with) that really made the comment poor taste and out of line.

I guess the reason it’s still heavy on my mind is because last night I grudgingly conceded. While I knew He was right about me being out of line (And really, even if, in the grand scheme of things, He wasn’t, He is Master and I am slave so He is right by default.), I didn’t want to admit it. Because, out of context, my joke was harmless. But in context, joking or not, it was horribly mean. And I really didn’t mean it that way. I just didn’t think.

I guess this is my way of apologizing. A real apology instead of the grudging one I gave last night. And as much as I hate to admit it, I guess I do need to reevaluate the jokes I make and the times I choose to make them. When there is constantly a problem with something you say or do regardless of the approach you take, the problem is obviously yours and not other people’s. Then it’s time to decide whether you care or not and, if you care, how to go about changing it. When the person who has the problem with your behavior is your owner, there’s no decision to make.

I’m sorry, Master. It won’t happen again.

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