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May 13th, 2008

I’m running out of time to get shit done and I’m about to be severely flamed on the forum I just responded to for the first time in months and yet I’m still… topicless. And I tried! Hard! Even going so far as to reading blogs I’ve never ventured to before hoping for a tiny nibbling bite that I could dissect and throw up for the wonderment of the crowd. ::cues crickets::

I think I’m going crazy.

It’s been about two weeks since I’ve been beaten and He’s threatened every day. When He does this, I know it’s going to be bad. Two weeks of this pent up sadism is never good for anyone. Especially the toy one takes it out on. But who am I kidding? Bad, for me, is always good.

Today I asked for access to His store of photos of me. He says there aren’t many good ones. I asked to see them anyway. I’m hoping to add to the small collection we’ve built up. Since His sadistic energy is so often pent up for weeks the camera isn’t even a thought these days. It stays neatly wrapped up in its padded backpack for sometimes months at a time. And I’m almost always fully clothed when it does come out. Not that I mind. I hate being in front of a camera. I’m more comfortable behind. Which isn’t saying much with how much I shake there as well.

Every time this happens I consider hiding the cane and the paddle. I tell myself, “He never gets passed the knotty cat.” and then, “But there was that one time…” and then, “Okay the crop. Hide that too.” Finally, “If He could read my mind He’d probably whip my ass a lot more than He does.”

A lot more.

Sometimes I wish He would.

Society says that makes me weird.

I know I’m weird ::laughs::

I watched Memoirs of a Geisha for the first time last night. The culture is so beautiful. People would say it’s awful because it objectifies women. And maybe they’re right. But the women are so graceful and feminine. And they go to such great lengths to be found pleasing. And most of them are exquisitely happy doing it. How could that be a bad thing?

The service part is so hot. I guess as much as I protest (You should hear me sometimes!), I really do like the service part of slavery. Even the parts I claim to hate. And is it wrong that I, for a moment, wished it was me taking the beating the girl got? God damn that would hurt.

I dove into learning all about Geisha as soon as I was finished watching the movie. It’s such an interesting and beautiful part of Japanese culture. It’s such a shame that it’s mostly died out.

We might be going camping on Memorial Day weekend. That should be fun. Hopefully the site we like will be open. We’ll see I guess. Maybe I’ll have some interesting pictures for you after that! Ooo… that’s an idea!

In any case, Master has the whole five days off as well. So maybe either way we’ll have new pics.

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