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Job and Kids vs. Enslavement

May 9th, 2008

I think I’ve talked about this before. I’m not very good at articulating what I’m thinking in a way that makes people say, “Oh! You’re right!” when it comes to this subject. But it’s a touchy subject. For everyone. Because there aren’t many adults in this world surviving without kids or a job.

I hear it all the time. From seasoned dom/mes and slaves and newbies alike. You can’t truly be enslaved if you have a job or kids. And really, as much as I love the people saying it (well… some of them!), it’s utter horse shit. The trick is in the method applied.

I’ve heard all the arguments. The dom/me can’t control the job therefore he/she can’t control the slave while she’s at the job. When the slave goes to work she’s no longer operating under her owner’s jurisdiction. There are times that the slave will have to go directly against her owner’s orders/rules in order to keep the job so the owner can’t possibly be in total control. There’s no TPE here.

I don’t really get the kids thing. Maybe that’s because when the kids are here, I’m in charge of making sure they’re fed, bathed, well-behaved and clean up after themselves. The only thing Master really does is make sure J’s insulin and such is taken care of the way it’s supposed to be. And that’s only because J’s mostly self-sufficient now so it’s almost pointless to teach me anything but how to handle his emergency pen (and what’s too low or too high, naturally, but J knows all that himself). And I’m required to continue to behave just as I would if they weren’t here, minus being naked all the time (obviously). Actually, I’m required to behave better than I would if they weren’t here.

I’m not slave to my job when I’m at work (though they seem to think I am). Master still retains total control. Everyone at work knows that if they want me to do something that I don’t usually do (stay an extra hour, come in on my day off, etc.) the answer will be, “I have to talk to my husband. I’ll let you know.” They also know that if my husband ever says, “Quit.” I’ll be out the door lickety-split. They know that everything regarding my life depends on Him. I don’t know if they all know why. I don’t really care if they all know why. Maybe they think we’re truly a partnership-marriage. Maybe they think He’s an over-bearing ass hole. Maybe they think I’m just such an airhead that I can’t make decisions on my own. I think I’ve managed to convince most of them, in the spirit of keeping our personal life personal, that it’s because I’m a work-a-holic and if I don’t let Him control when I work I’ll work till I drop. It’s almost true! Was true? Before they completely fucked me over. 

Nothing changes. Who I talk to, what I do, whether or not I even actually go to work is all controlled by Him.

It might be different if it was a career. If it’s something the slave plans on doing for the rest of her life. There are sacrifices that have to be made with things like that. But my job was never meant to be a career. It was never meant to be anything more than temporary income. And Master’s made it very clear that I won’t be pursuing a career in any line of work. My career is being a slave. Part of being His slave, right now, is working to help Him bring money into the house. Tomorrow, that might not be the case.

With kids, it’s a little trickier. There’s more sacrifice and more involved. Scheduling scenes around bedtime and visits with grandma and such. Having to stop things at the drop of a hat because the baby cries. Needing a quick release because one of the kids is sick. But scenes aren’t the main part of being a slave anyway.

I don’t understand why people feel the control, the owning, the collar suddenly all go away or lessen somehow because kids are involved or the slave works outside of the home. Sure, there are things that have to be different than with a slave who stays at home and never has any kids, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s still owned. That doesn’t change the fact that she’s still a slave.

So he can’t snatch her up by the nape of her neck or cuff her against the back of the head when she steps out of line. So he can’t bend her over the edge of the sofa and take her whenever he feels like it. Those are only small parts of owning/being a slave anyway.

Slavery isn’t about dropping Master/Sir or Mistress/Ma’am after every sentence. It’s not about being naked and chained all the time. It’s not about asking permission to eat or drink or go to the bathroom. It’s not about kneeling at his/her feet. It’s not about any of the superficial rules and rituals and mannerisms that would allow any person watching to peg you as a slave.

Slavery is about service. It’s about pleasure, for both parties (though the dominant’s pleasure is so much more important than the slave’s). It’s about respect. And most of all it’s about control and where it lies.

Master controls all of my life. Period. End of sentence. He controls my job. He controls my relationship with my children. He controls my relationship with my parents, grandparents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins. He controls when I eat, sleep, shit, breathe. No matter who’s around. No matter where we are. No matter what we’re doing. He’s in control.

Maybe, by the BDSM bible, I’m not “truly enslaved”. Maybe I haven’t “internalized slavery”. But I really don’t think that has anything to do with the job. Especially since there have been long periods of time in which I did not work. I think it’s more related to the fact that we’re still feeling each other out. Still learning what works best for us. Still figuring out which direction we want to go in.

And you know… I used to be ashamed of that. I used to look at all these other relationships in which the slave seems to be so far ahead of me and learning at a much faster pace. I used to freak out because I didn’t measure up. But then I realized most of these women I was talking to had been at this for years. Most of them have been with more than one dominant partner. Master is my first owner, dominant, tormentor… ever. I’m not just learning a new master’s ways. I’m learning everything. From scratch. I don’t feel so bad when I look at it that way.

I still don’t agree that a job and a handful (or three) of kids means it’s impossible to be “truly enslaved”. If you think you can change my mind, give me your best reason for believing it does. I’d love to discuss it!

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