Occasionally I do browse around some of the BDSM sites out there, when I actually have time to dedicate to it. I’m constantly amazed at the level (or lack, thereof) of intelligence that is rampant on some of the larger forums. It simply boggles my mind. I thought I’d be a Nice Guy{tm} and post some helpful hints for new Masters, or those that may not be specifically new.

If your goal is to find, collar and keep a slave, here are some helpful suggestions to do that:

1) When typing into a forum post (or IM window, etc), attempt to spell at least 70% of the words you use correctly. This means, also, do not use “text message shorthand” when trolling for slave meat. I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I read something such as “r u lkng 4 a xpriencd Mstr?”, I have a good chuckle. Regardless of your opinion of women, none of them want to become the “slave owned by the Moron” (with a capital M, of course). I’m not perfect in my spelling, either, but I do make an attempt. Why? Because words are how we communicate, and if it takes someone a half hour to decipher your jumble of words, it’s just not worth it.

2) Make some attempt at being grammatically correct. This means, also, to use punctuation where it’s supposed to be used and capitalize proper nouns, the beginning of sentences, etc… I’m amazed at the lack of self control most “Masters” exhibit when they are putting forth public communication. I’m not really speaking of hot IM sex (errr), but when you’re posting on a public forum why wouldn’t you want to put your “best foot forward”? Is it your intention that everyone assume you have an IQ lower than a common hamster? By all means, if that’s your goal, continue making no attempt to show the world (and possible slaves) that you have a brain. Once again, why would a slave give someone that’s an idiot 100% control over their lives? It just doesn’t make sense.

3) TYPING IN CAPS DOESNT MAKE YOU DOMINANT, IT MAKES YOU A FUCKING MORON! I hate this shit. Srsly (har har). There’s one forum, specifically, that I go to that constantly has “Masters” creating new forum threads with posts like this: “I AM LOOKING FOR A SLAVE!!!! YOU MUYST SND ME A PIRVATE MSG NOW!!!!”. I’m good. Just look at how I working in caps, mispellings and horrible grammar! BOW TO ME (or something). It’s obnoxious and it doesn’t make you appear, in any way, to be “dominant”. The appearance is more that you need to be loud just to be noticed, and that’s not a desirable trait. There is a time to raise ones voice (be that vocally or textually), but it takes intelligence to know when the right time is.

4) It would be wonderful, and a burden lifted on us all, if new “Masters” would stop the baby talk to new, potential slaves. I mean… I’m flabbergasted at this, and have been since I first ran into BDSM on IRC. This is “The Man”, who is supposed to be in control and, in a sense, should be a role model for their slaves. Do all of you really want your slaves to baby talk like idiots? Isn’t that embaressing when out in public? If rayne ever pulled that shit, there would be some new pictures of a very bruised ass in the gallery.

5) Spend some time and decide what you believe and want, and stick to it. This part is a growing process and takes time. If you think you’re going to stumble on bondage.com one day, and then a couple days later you’re a “Master”, you have another thing coming. I’ve seen consecutive posts by new “Masters” that put forth completely different opinions. If you are easily swayed, I would more likely call you a “sheep” than a “Master”. There is a time to listen, and I would encourage you to seek out and talk to experienced, real life Masters and learn. This does not mean that your point of view can’t change over time, as it probably will. If you’re changing your definition of slavery every day then you are not ready to own a slave yet. Do some more research, talk to some experienced Masters, and take your time. There is plenty of time.

6) Finally, walk a mile in a slaves shoes. This is a tough one to post. I recently read a post on a forum where a Master described his learning experience, which included many weeks as a slave. My gut reaction was to post a vehement reply saying that it’s complete rubbish. However, I did this as well, but not for months at a time, and I have to admit it has value. I spent a very short period of time being a slave many. many years ago, in the beginning of my interest in this lifestyle. It was no longer than a week. I have to say that I completely loathed it, and it ran contrary to the type of person I truly am, but it did teach me some valuable lessons. Alot of a D/s relationship is psychological, and it will be virtually impossible for you to understand what to expect from your slave if you have no point of reference as to the slaves mindset. So, ultimately, I do agree that a little time should be spent on the flip side, in the beginning, so you can truly understand not only what you’re asking a potential slave to do for you, but also the “slave mindset” so that you can better train the slave to be what you want.

So there you have it. Some helpful hints for Masters, potential and otherwise.

-Melen