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Satan’s Bride Does Physicals

April 15th, 2008

Have I mentioned how much I hate doctors? Well, I hate nurse practitioners more. And if you’re a doctor or a nurse practitioner, no I do not really hate you. I just hate visiting you in your office! 😛

The nurse practitioner I saw today was no exception. I get so sick of hearing the same thing over and over. Why, oh why couldn’t the lady I had last year, who just asked her questions and let me go on about my business, have stayed and done my physical instead disappearing to where ever it is nurses go when they’re not in the office just as I got there? I was respectful and polite last time she saw me. And that was over a year ago! She couldn’t possibly remember me… right?

ANYway… the lady I had today was ridiculous in her preaching. I work in the medical field. And it’s me with the issues! I’m sure I know what can happen. She went on and on about how I should be in therapy and on medication and attending NA meetings and blah blah blah fucking blah. I kept saying, “I’ve been clean for six years and I did it on my own with only my husband as a counselor (whereas when I got out of rehab I got right back on drugs). I’ve also not had a reason to visit a therapist or psychiatrist in six years. So while I appreciate your concern, I’m not sure these visits are necessary. Especially when I can’t currently afford health insurance.” I explained that when I was on the dosage of meds that evened me out I could not function and that I wasn’t interested in trading functionality for feeling “normal”. I even told her that at my last psych eval and drug screening the therapist said I had no need for meds or therapy. That I was doing it all pretty well on my own.

And she kept blathering on about how people who are lower class like me often engaged in promiscuity and drugs to drown their sorrows. “I don’t mean to stereotype…” So I told her that if one excludes the child support payments my husband and I are technically middle class. Even that didn’t shut her up.

I need to learn to be more assertive. “Back off, lady.” was definitely warranted but I was afraid to be that blunt what with her holding the fate of my employment in her hand. Not that it would have been a great travesty, aside from our finances, had she said “I’m sorry but I simply cannot allow you to continue working with the elderly and disabled.” And she almost did. Based on a past that I have one hundred percent overcome so sayeth my most recent psych eval.

“I’m going to take your word for it, though I’d like to test you.”

Uh… no? Maybe it’s the old coke head mentality speaking, but if it’s not required for employment (which means my job isn’t going to pay for it and I’ve mentioned before the only reason I got the physical in the first place is because they’re paying for it and I had to in order to remain employed) it feels an awful lot like an invasion of privacy. Why on Earth should I allow you to do a drug screening? So you can feel all warm and fuzzy about sending me back into the work force with a clean urine sample? And who exactly is going to pay for this drug screening you’d like me to do simply because you’ve had a bad experience with an addict in the past (That was her excuse.)? Certainly not me.

She even told me the only reason she was passing me was because I wasn’t hands on with the residents. So if I was a PCA instead of a cook, she’d have failed me simply because six years ago I stopped doing street drugs and chose functionality over medication. What kind of bull shit is that? I’d have sued. Owning a hospital might be fun!

Real entry in tow. I promise! Just wanted to rant about the crazy lady who’s trying to blackmail me into outpatient rehab based on a problem I haven’t had for six years.

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