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March 29th, 2008

I asked Master what I should write about and He said “Pussy.” Since I already did that, sort of, I guess I gotta find something else to write about.

First, for my readers from Slave Farm… I might be away for a while. It’s a long story and one I’m not ready to discuss so I’ll just say it’s not you… It’s me. It’s been real and it’s been fun but it hasn’t always been real fun :/ I’ll be back. I just don’t know when.

My period’s coming and with it has come the ugly cunt that I can be for weeks at a time depending on my particular cycle for that month. If I hadn’t already been diagnosed with severe PMS and it didn’t always hover around the time of my period, I would be disgusted with myself for using that excuse. But it’s not making reconnection particularly easy. Today, however, I’m in an awesome mood and I’m hoping to keep it.

Master’s more than keeping to His side of the bargain and I’m a pretty happy cunt these days. Almost every day there is some form of S&M and a whole shit load of M/s. He’s developed a particularly enjoyable ritual of ordering me to my knees with my face on His feet. It’s impossible to not remember your place when you’re on the floor with your cheek resting on the soft leather of a man’s shoe. And while not all of the times have been when I was getting dangerously close to crossing lines, most of them have been instrumental in snapping me back to where I am supposed to be.

We’re finding areas that I really just never learned anything in, even basic protocols I should be following from childhood conditioning, and He’s working on ways to teach them to me. Things as simple as not turning into a raving, psychotic bitch when someone hurts my feelings. I have an extremely difficult time separating things like sadness, fear, illness, etc. from anger. And my anger rages hotter than a thousand hells.

We’re getting there. And I’m enjoying the journey again. Not that it matters if I do. It’s just easier for all parties involved if I am. Not that that matters, either.

I’ve got the next four days off and I plan on at least trying to suck up some R&R. My body is screaming for me to slow down but working and being a slave doesn’t allow for it. So I guess it’ll have to get used to it.

That’s all for today, I guess. Have a great weekend 🙂

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