Archive for March 17th, 2008

Something BDSM

March 17th, 2008 No comments

You guys use StumbleUpon? I do. I find some fun photos, adult and not, as well as some interesting sites through Stumble.

So I used to be able to blog about whatever I wanted on nonblog days. This morning, however, Master said my entries should be BDSM related from now on. And He wanted me to replace my nonBDSM entry with something BDSM related. Since I’m assuming just saying BDSM a bunch of times isn’t BDSM enough I’m gonna have to think of a BDSM topic I want to discuss. That’s not always easy.

I don’t particularly like being told what to write about. Well, okay that’s not entirely true. I love being given topics He’d like me to discuss. And as much of a pain in the ass as the paper He assigned me was (Three thirteen hour work days in a row is not conducive to good article writing!), I loved having something specific to write about. I just don’t like being told my shared thoughts here have to be on point. 

And I can hear you all. Master’s voice the loudest. “So?” That’s the thing. It shouldn’t matter that I don’t like it. It doesn’t matter that I don’t like it. And I like that it doesn’t matter. I wish we’d started over five years ago instead of trying to build on the wobbly foundation that my fake bedroom submission laid down. 

In the past, He’d have told me “Write something else.” and I’d have come up with a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t have to or don’t want to or can’t. All of them would be hinged on the same basic thing. It’s my blog. My thoughts. Why can’t I say/do/write/think what I want??!?

Because my blog is an extension of me. 

Master owns me. My thoughts, my actions, my words… they’re all His. If He wants to control them, that’s His right. I know that in the most conventional sense thought control is almost impossible. Especially without the correct tools. But He can definitely choose which thoughts I get to express and where.

Thought control is something that intrigues me. I’ve never really expressed my interest in it before. This paper made it almost impossible for me not to think about it and I finally fessed up to Master that I’m interested in it as well. I’m not sure what I think about the whole “So if He’s programming me through thought/mind controlling techniques, am I still (consensually) submitting?” question. 

Anyway, here I sit on a clean, plugged ass babbling about control. Things are changing in our relationship and I’m definitely enjoying it. Even though I can’t get comfortable on this damn plug. Coughing nonstop isn’t conducive to keeping a plug in, either. Thank god i’m sitting on it. 

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