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Sick Day?

February 7th, 2008

My mind is completely blank today. I feel like the poopie. But I went to work because supposedly I can’t claim a sick day if I’m already getting overtime. And we need the overtime.

The other day Master said something like, “Sometimes there are more important things than a slave.” And I sort of saw red for a minute. I recovered pretty quickly and was able to bite back the hot retorts I wanted to spit out. Things like “It only takes a minute to poke your head out of the office and say hello.” and “I’m not just a slave, I’m your wife.” and so on.

Thing is, I was the one who requested to be a slave first and His wife second. I was the one who bitched when the fact that being His wife got in the way of being enslaved (for both of us). So why did those nine words sting so bad?

I still haven’t gotten over wanting to be the most important thing to Him, I guess. I want Him to feel about me the way I feel about Him. I would go to the end of the earth for Him. I would do anything for Him.

And then I realize that if He felt the same way about me that I feel about Him, I’d probably lose a lot of the respect I have for Him. Because I also feel beneath Him. I feel dominated by Him. His existence overwhelms me and fills my pores and makes it impossible for me to be away from Him.

And while I think it’s okay for a Master to be in love with His slave, I don’t think He should have her on a pedestal quite as high as I have Him.

The love of a Master for a slave isn’t always less intense… just different. I would do well to learn that, I think.

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