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Things I Never Say

February 5th, 2008

There’s a vast array of things I do and don’t say here to avoid the lectures.  An attempt to make sure the comments I do receive are on point and aren’t a list of all the reasons (real or imagined) what I believe is wrong.  Not lies, per se.  Just realities people tend to point out that, in their minds, negate the way Master and I choose to live and the things we believe.  This entry is an attempt to clear up any miscommunication my omittance may have caused.  I realize not everyone believes as I do and am not in any way saying this is “the way things are”.

What I do say: According to the law, no person may enslave another person, therefore, realistically, I can leave whenever I want.

What I don’t say: I don’t subscribe to this law.  I am not allowed to leave according to Master’s law, the only law I live by, and I am not capable of leaving.  I’ve been mad enough.  I’ve been hurt enough. I’ve been tired enough.  I’ve even had the door held open for me while more force was slammed into my back.  And I stood with my toes behind the line unable to even consider taking that first step over the threshold.  Whether this is because I believe in keeping my word or because I’ve “internalized slavery” I do not know.

What I do say: A slave may leave any time they wish. 

What I don’t say: My personal belief is if you give your word to stay forever enslaved then you should stand by it.  I also believe the adage “Once a slave, always a slave.”  I believe that once you accept a collar… any collar… you are forever a slave unless and until your owner releases you from slavery.  Not just from their ownership, but from slavery all together.  And… I don’t think slaves should be allowed to just walk away.  I think this lifestyle that is very real to at least some of us should be upheld.  Sort of a “You made your bed, lay in it.”  type of thing.

What I do say: Master Melen owns me.

What I don’t say: I’m a slave, not just His slave.  I believe one has to realize that she is owned by one but mastered by all.  She’s not just beneath her owner.  She’s beneath every free person she comes into contact with and would do well to remember that.  This doesn’t mean she has to do everything any free person tells her to, unless that is one of her owner’s rules for her.  They don’t own her.  This just means she should treat them with the respect they deserve.

What I do say: Women choose whether or not to defer to men.

What I don’t say: If there were a social hierarchy, it’s my belief that it goes as follows: Free men, free women, male slaves, female slaves.  My personal belief is that men shouldn’t be submissive.  But to each their own, eh?

What I do say: To each their own.

What I don’t say: I’m opinionated.  Most of my opinions are based on experience and training.  I believe things should be a certain way but I understand that they are not.  I’m willing to tolerate your way so long as you are tolerant of mine.

What I do say: I’m a no limits slave.

What I don’t say: I’m only a no limits slave because I gave my limits up.  At the start I had a ton.  Over the years they’ve withered away to almost nothing.  Very few things completely squick me out.  And I’m not allowed to say no to the ones that do.  That was my choice.  Master’s limits, few as they are, are the only limits I’m allowed.  And that’s really only as long as He’s the one I’m playing with, I’m sure.  Should He allow someone else to play with me who doesn’t share His limits (depending on the limit) He might allow them to do it and enjoy my reaction.

What I do say: Slavery isn’t fair.

What I don’t say: I expect it to be sometimes.  I’ve been known throw tantrums on occasion when it’s not.

What I do say: Slaves, being human, aren’t perfect.

What I don’t say: The “real slaves” of history weren’t perfect either.  The biggest difference between us and them is they didn’t want to be slaves.  We do.  I don’t agree that acting out occasionally, on purpose or for temporary lack of judgment, means you’re not “truly enslaved” or you’re not really a slave or whatever else people say it means.  Being enslaved isn’t as much a state of mind as people say.  The “real slaves” of history were truly enslaved.  You couldn’t get more enslaved than them.  They were honest-to-God, bought-and-sold property.  Many of them were utterly unhappy and acted out on a regular basis despite the threat of severe punishment and even death.  No one would dare say they weren’t “really slaves”, though, huh?

What I do say: I get out of line… a lot!

What I don’t say: When I step out of line, I do it fully expecting to take my lumps.  Quite often I just lose control.  I get frustrated or angry or hurt and I quite literally lose the ability to think before I open my mouth.  I raise my voice, slam things around, stomp my feet (when I’m walking, not in that childlike “Give me what I want!” way), spew forth venomous, sarcastic, ornery responses to any and all questions.  I know it’s not right.  I know I’m going to be punished afterward.  I expect to be punished afterward.  I just can’t always stop myself.  Sometimes the threat of punishment isn’t enough to shut my mouth.

What I do say: I’m not “holier than thou” and I don’t think I’m perfect.

What I don’t say: Generally speaking, when I write about things I’m writing about the correct thing to do as I’ve been trained.  This is not to say that I always do the correct thing.  I’ll be the first to admit that I quite often go against the basic rules of slavery and the rules given to me by Master.  I don’t view this as hypocritical because I’m pretty clear about the fact that I screw up often.  I don’t understand why people always say shit like I have a holier than thou attitude or I act like I think I’m perfect.  I’m pretty straightforward about the fact that I… am a fuck up, but people don’t ask what I do.  They ask what they should do.  And that’s what I speak to.  I just don’t feel the need to say that every time I answer a question.  I give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they are intelligent enough to realize that I am not (and do not believe I am) perfect.  And if that makes me “holier than thou”, well, fuck you very much 🙂

There are other things.  Quite a few, actually.  But some of them would get Master or I into trouble one way or another, I’m sure.  So this concludes my list of “Things I Never Say”.  Till next time…

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