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Grateful

January 29th, 2008

I’ve been thinking a lot about how things used to be. When Master and I first got together and I thought everything was going to be easy peasy. When I still refused to admit that I was a slave. When I was still trying to pretend I was a bedroom submissive, yet asking permission before I so much as took a breath.

He used to let me sleep in. Well, after the company He worked for was bought and He changed offices and I couldn’t go to the office with Him anymore. The alarm clock was on my side of the bed so I had to wake up just long enough to make sure He got out of bed and then I could go back to sleep. He’d get Himself ready for work, reset the alarm if He had a specific time He wanted me up, come kiss me good bye and head off to work.

He usually left instructions. What time I was supposed to call, what I was supposed to do. Generally speaking, I could do whatever I wanted provided none of it broke the rules I begged Him to give me. While still claiming I was simply submissive.

No more drugs. No drinking without Him around. No sleeping around. And while everyone thought this must put a serious cramp in my style, I was relieved. I was happy. I was content to let Him make my decisions for me, good or bad, and save me from the constant explosions that kept me walking on broken glass nonstop.

 

Slowly, He took control while my attention was elsewhere trying to put out the small fires still smoldering from my previous life. I’d balk at the really big steps, but mostly I just went with the flow, allowing Him to reign me in fist over fist and sinking deeper and deeper into the river of emotion that I’d never felt before.

The small fires became blazes until I gave Him control of those too. And in a short amount of time, He had them wrapped up neatly and tied with a bow. Completely under control. And I felt safe. Safe enough to take what I thought was the final step. Admitting that what I needed was slavery.

There have been hundreds of steps since the one I thought was final. Hundreds of detours and obstacles and things that were potential show stoppers. But every time I fell, He was there to catch me, dust me off and set me right again.

Thank You, Master.

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