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Bitch Monthly

January 5th, 2008

Master was home yesterday too. I begged Him to stay with me instead of going to work and He surrendered (mostly because He didn’t want to go either). He’s home today but He decided to download the expansion to World of Warcraft so I have a little time to get things done. And He just said He’s got 24 minutes to go on the download which means I have about an hour and 24 minutes.

I just got over the dreaded monthly beast and this time around was brutal. For some reason Aunt Flo often brings with her Uncle Apathy and Uncle Apathy is a bastard. When he comes, he always shows up at least two weeks before Aunt Flo and always overstays his welcome. Though I almost always have something to say on a good day, Uncle Apathy steals my thoughts without a moment’s notice. I go days at a time not caring about anything or anyone and wondering what. The fuck. Is wrong with me. And for some reason, even though it happens more often than not, I still sit there frantically going over things in my mind and wondering why I just don’t give a fuck.

This time was no different. Uncle Apathy reared his ugly head a whole two and a half weeks before Aunt Flo peeked in and I freaked out. I’d just as soon hide in a corner somewhere and read for days without lifting my nose from the book than do anything with anyone else… including Master. And I hate it. And it gets to me. And it freaks me out. And I get scared that the boredom that has come with every other relationship I’ve ever been in is poking its fingers in my relationship with Master. And I get mad. And I don’t recognize the cycle I go into almost every single period.

Master’s a little more lenient when I’m PMSing. Not much, but enough to relieve the ugly beast that is my period-temper. And I’m grateful. He’s mentioned more than once making an effort to tame the beast that is me on PMS but so far He’s just left it alone. I’m actually looking forward to watching Him in His lion tamer’s suit with the little stool and whip. I’m looking forward to laughing in that bitch’s face when He sends her running in fear. Mostly I’m just looking forward to saying good bye to the royal cunt that I am when I’m PMSing.

Somewhere between Aunt Flo’s first day and the day she leaves, something breaks like so many waves on the shore. I crash for a brief minute and then I’m normal (well… normal for me, anyway) again. I don’t remember when it happened this time around. I just remember being incredibly grateful when it finally did. Cause then I could recognize Uncle Apathy and the bitch for who they were. And I know that boredom is a long way off. I think that this relationship will outlive it. And that’s probably a good thing. Because Master has made it clear that He’s not just gonna let me go cause I’m bored lol

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