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Make Up Blog?

December 27th, 2007

It’s like make up homework, only it’s for Master, not school. Though, He did tell me to skip my blog altogether on Saturday and was more interested in playing WoW than me doing my daily tasks on Christmas. So I guess technically I don’t have to make up anything. We’ll ignore the fact that today is a normal blog day 😛

Master’s started a new approach to training me. I feel sort of like one of those rats in the maze. Run up the right track and find the entrance with only a slight shock at the end. Run up the wrong track and find the buzzer that shocks the shit out of you. Why, you ask?

We’re back to nightly beatings, only the base number is five. And even though I’ve only had to have more than the base number once since it started, I dread it. Because though He said “With what I want, how I want.” it’s been the cane every night. And He makes sure I feel it.

What I’m supposed to take away from this is that I’m a slave and He will do what He wishes to me for whatever reason, even just because it pleases Him. Have you ever just wanted to scream, “I already know that!!!”

Sure. I know it. In theory. In theory, I can recite to you damn near every basic rule of slavery that the general BDSM population agrees on, and a few that almost no one agrees with but are standard practice in this household. But have I internalized them? Probably not. Knowing them and accepting and understanding them are two totally different things.

Granted, I gracefully (or not so much, depending on the day) offer up my ass (or whatever body part He requests) to Him for torment whenever He sees fit with little to no argument. But basic concepts seem to elude me. Such as it doesn’t matter whether or not I’ve done something to deserve to be punished. If He wants to punish me that’s His right. And that’s actually a relevant issue, considering the day He informed me of His new training technique I went off on a tangent about how I always feel punished and I’m sick of feeling punished for no reason and for once I want to feel good about myself and so on and so forth. Not that it matters if I think it’s a relevant issue or not, I just felt the need to throw my two cents in there.

The rest of what He’s working on is response. I have a tendency to just say “Okay.” or not say anything in response when He tells me to do something or asks me something or says something to me. Unless I’m already in trouble. More often then not, I just go do whatever it was He told me to do without acknowledging that He spoke. I guess I assumed acknowledging His order by just doing it was response enough. He disagrees.

“Yes/no, Master.” is the required response to any orders (Well, just “Yes, Master.” to this one, obviously.), yes or no questions, comments, lectures, etc. I get five added on for each failed response. I’ve fallen into “But it sounds stupid!” and feel myself blushing at least once or twice a day at how silly the formalities sound when it’s just us. But maybe that’s the time it’s the most important. I don’t know.

Once I got fifteen. It’s been the base five a night since then. Though I’m not sure if that’s more because I’m careful how I respond or because He’s letting me slide. I hope it’s the former. I’d rather have hamburger for an ass than a lenient owner.

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