Archive for December, 2007


December 29th, 2007 No comments

It’s colder than a witch’s tit in here! Ooo… and I should light more incense. Daddy bought me a little incense box a week or so ago. One of those boxes that you put your stick or cone incense in and it catches all the ashes… and underneath is a compartment to hold the sticks. I love it. A pretty little accessory to any disheveled office desk or beautifully finished coffee table. (Plus! Clean up’s a snap now that the ashes don’t fall all over the place.)

Today’s been a pretty awesome day, despite my stupid cramps. Daddy woke me by snuggling into my back, nuzzling into my throat and whispering in my ear “I want baby’s mouth on my cock.” I kissed Him then and He told me to turn to face Him. His hand cupped the top of my head and guided my mouth right to where He wanted it and I took care of Daddy’s cock before I even opened my eyes.

We spent the day just passing time together. We went to the photography store a little bit away and picked up a closeup set for the camera. He’s been playing with it most of the night. We went walking and Daddy made me unzip my coat and lift my bra and shirt. Outside. In the snow. So He could take pictures. I could feel my nipples getting hard. Not to mention the slow simmer in my pussy. He used to threaten to make me strip so He could take pictures outside but He never actually did it. I think I’d convinced myself that He never actually would.

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New Goal?

December 29th, 2007 No comments

Another week, another goal. Except not really. Master decided to stick with the response goal. The last couple of days He’s had to remind me more than once. I hope this week He doesn’t remind me… or if He does, He still beats me for it.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m enjoying having something specific to focus on. It’s easier than saying “I need to work on this.” and “I need to work on that.” and having no sense of what’s a priority for Master. And I’m enjoying having repercussions when I screw up.

And oddly enough, Master was right (He usually is). My mouth has been running a lot less since He started beating me nightly. That’s not to say I’m perfect at it. But the threat of getting more than five with the cane has been enough to make it stop almost before it starts. That’s a positive thing, I think.

So, the moral of the story is, as much as I dread the way it feels to be beaten every night, as much as it hurts to know I really, at least currently, need to be beaten every night, it has definitely had a positive affect on my attitude, which can only lead to a positive effect on my growth as a slave.

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Make Up Blog?

December 27th, 2007 No comments

It’s like make up homework, only it’s for Master, not school. Though, He did tell me to skip my blog altogether on Saturday and was more interested in playing WoW than me doing my daily tasks on Christmas. So I guess technically I don’t have to make up anything. We’ll ignore the fact that today is a normal blog day 😛

Master’s started a new approach to training me. I feel sort of like one of those rats in the maze. Run up the right track and find the entrance with only a slight shock at the end. Run up the wrong track and find the buzzer that shocks the shit out of you. Why, you ask?

We’re back to nightly beatings, only the base number is five. And even though I’ve only had to have more than the base number once since it started, I dread it. Because though He said “With what I want, how I want.” it’s been the cane every night. And He makes sure I feel it.

What I’m supposed to take away from this is that I’m a slave and He will do what He wishes to me for whatever reason, even just because it pleases Him. Have you ever just wanted to scream, “I already know that!!!”

Sure. I know it. In theory. In theory, I can recite to you damn near every basic rule of slavery that the general BDSM population agrees on, and a few that almost no one agrees with but are standard practice in this household. But have I internalized them? Probably not. Knowing them and accepting and understanding them are two totally different things.

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St. Niklaus

December 25th, 2007 No comments

He came!

And so did I! Merry Christmas, everyone!

It’s okay to say “Merry Christmas!” to me. I don’t mind.

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Friendships, Love and Slavery

December 20th, 2007 No comments

I think my biggest problem lately is I’ve pretty much completely isolated myself. I don’t know how to make friends and the friendships I do have usually happened completely by accident. I have all sorts of coworkers that I’d at least call acquaintances,and a few that I call “friend”, but when it comes right down to it they’re all vanilla and I really can’t comfortably talk to them about the BDSM part of our relationship. A person can only handle so many “My man would never even dream of controlling me.” comments before they want to start ripping people’s eyes out.

Well, that’s great. Bully for you. But I LIKE that my Man controls me. I LIKE that He’s not afraid of His masculinity. I LIKE that He makes the decisions, even when I don’t like the decisions He makes. I wasn’t asking what you like. You, quite honestly, do not matter in the grand scheme of Master and rayne’s relationship.

So I turn to the BDSM community online (since we’ve really not ventured out into the real life part aside from joining a munch mailing list) and I find myself balking at the possibility of having people to talk to there. Very few places you go online are just people discussing the things they do. People helping people. Everyone’s snarky and snippy and “I’m so much better than you.”y and it just seriously pisses me off.

“I would NEVER do it that way and that makes me a better <blank> than you so I win! Kthxbye!”

Fuck you in your holier than thou cunt with a pine cone covered in cinnamon oil and razor blades.

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Spoil Master Day

December 18th, 2007 No comments

I’ve been in a pretty big slump emotionally the past week or so. At least part of it is the dreary winter months of upstate New York. I was diagnosed with SAD ([[Seasonal Affective Disorder]]) when I was twenty-two (Who doesn’t have SAD these days?) and was told that I’ve always had it, it’s just become more pronounced since I’ve been up here. The only reason I can think of for that is in the south, while it’s chilly and the sun still goes down earlier, there are less gray skies in the winter. Or at least there was when I lived there.

In any case, between work sucking me (and Master) dry and winter depression, Master’s been pretty neglected. So, in the spirit of not letting SAD (or work) control me, today has been deemed “Spoil Master Day”.

I woke up and laid in bed for about thirty minutes with my eyes closed and my hands laying in the most uncomfortable position (but the only one that would keep them from aching and/or going to sleep) trying to convince myself that sleep is a good thing. When willing myself to sleep wasn’t working, I waited patiently for Master to mumble something in one of His brief waking moments so I could mention my plight.

“Mmmm, I love the baby more than the baby loves me.”

“Nope. Daddy, I can’t sleep anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I’m not tired.” And then He was snoring again. So I laid there for another minute or two, then gave up on sleep.

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