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Releasing Oneself?

November 20th, 2007

The main reason I go to other blogs and forums and such is to associate with people who have similar views to Master’s and mine. I assume this is the main reason most of us do it. However, a close running second is to find fodder for blog entries of my own. We recently had a doozy on one of the forums we frequent.

A slave wrote a long, whiny (from my perspective) post, most of which was copy/pasted emails from her owner. She wasn’t happy with the order she had received to whore herself in local bars, and decided to “release herself” from his ownership by refusing to respond to his messages. She went on to question the man’s domliness, and to publicly ridicule him on the forum. She also called on the members of the website to stop associating with him, in essence asking for him to be banned.

I scoffed. I fumed. And I promptly responded. Did you really think I’d keep my big mouth shut on that one? ::laughs::

First, while I’m sure things fall by the wayside on a regular basis, a slave searching for an owner should seriously take into consideration all of the things a person could possibly ask of him/her, and figure out which they are willing to do, which they are not willing to do, and make a list of each. Or the slave could fill out a BDSM checklist. Because MANY owners rent out their slaves, with or without precautions set in place, it is our responsibility as people to make sure if we are completely against this, we put that out there from the beginning before we even consider begging a collar from someone1.

I don’t know all of the stipulations of their relationship, obviously, but generally speaking, a slave agrees to follow a protocol for release which isn’t usually ghosting on the master. There’s usually (in the relationships I’ve had the privilege of observing) a specific protocol for the slave to follow in the interest of removing herself from a situation she no longer wishes to be in. Simply “releasing herself” by refusing to respond to any further messages from him is not one I’m familiar with. Usually a slave is required to beg to be released and, depending on the relationship, also required to abide by the owner’s wishes, though in some cases there is a person the slave can go to as a mediator to present her case should the owner not wish to be rid of her2.

I have a bad habit of not paying attention to who the person I disagree with is on forums. I’ve tried to be better about this but, generally speaking, if I have something to say, I say it without even looking to see who I’m talking to. This is bad practice. Especially as a slave who is trained to defer to all men regardless of my opinion of them. I’m bad about publicly, and not always respectfully, stating my opinion even if it goes completely against something a man just said. Usually it’s an innocent mistake. I didn’t even look at the name and/or profile picture, but it’s still unacceptable.

This slave did not even attempt to be discreet. She felt spurned and went into attack mode, intentionally trying to destroy him in the eyes of everyone else involved in the website. Whether she’s owned or not, this is completely unacceptable, and in my opinion it’s her we should stop associating with. But who am I? I’m just a slave.

I know people have many different opinions about what a slave is, and no one can agree on what kinds of protocols being a slave (or owning a slave) should entail. And this is why even now, as a 24/7 slave and wife committed for life, I still strongly advocate contracts–with time limits, and trial periods, and a safe word–at least in the beginning of any BDSM relationship. So that, at least at the start, nothing is left to chance. Everyone involved then knows when the relationship begins, when it ends, how a party is expected to go about removing themselves from the relationship, what is acceptable behavior, what’s expected of them, etc. While there are still oversights and mishaps, there is now a protocol to follow when these things happen.

Some people are much more “fly by the seat of your pants”, and that’s fine. It works for them. In my opinion, however, it’s a much better situation for all parties involved if you have in writing somewhere how things are going to go. At least in the beginning of a relationship when one or both parties don’t have much experience and/or don’t have any experience with each other.

Anyway… just a cunt’s view.

1. Of course, a D/s relationship is in a constant state of negotiation (especially in a relationship in which one or both of the parties is inexperienced), and everyone has the right to change their mind about any act at any time. What I’m saying here is simply that submissives are not only responsible for knowing their own limits, but they have a responsibility to themselves to be aware of the potential fetishes their new partner could have, which is why a BDSM checklist is a great thing to have.
2. Ultimately, slavery is illegal, and a slave is allowed to release themself in whatever way they wish. However, some relationships have express protocol, and I feel like going against a protocol you agreed to without first giving the protocol a chance to work is a bullshit way to respond to something you don’t like. Except, of course, in extreme cases. It’s been 9 years since I wrote this post, and I don’t even remember who the submissive was, much less her relationship protocols with her owner. But I’m willing to bet they didn’t include “ghosting and committing character assassination.” Besides, slave or not, that’s really shitty behavior.

Last edit: July 23, 2016

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