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Babble

October 9th, 2007

Before I started reading other blogs, I wrote my own without worrying about who was talking about what or who thought what or whose feelings I might hurt. Before I started reading other blogs, I didn’t care who was reading me or who was commenting. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t part of the cool kids’ club because I wasn’t on LJ or Blogger or Word Press. I wasn’t worried about all the bells and whistles that the big sites have. Who cares, really, about cuts and friend lists and blog rolls?

Except, now I do. Now the popularity of the site has become a major thing for me. I look at the people I read and all the comments they get and such and I’m feeling incredibly inadequate. I want to be part of the cool kids’ club!

I’m trying to figure out OpenID. It’s not infallible, but it looks like the easiest way to stop having to comment anonymously. I’m not sure what good that will do as it doesn’t seem to link back to our site. But at least you’ll know who I am!!

Master’s hit a sort of roadblock with the new version of the site. With our vacation coming up and His job lately, He’s got almost no time to work on it. But, basically, what it comes down to is He can’t decide on the new layout. Most of the time, I love His perfectionist attitude, but not having RSS is driving me insane. ::laughs::

Anyway, looking at this I can’t figure out whether this is a bad thing or not. My blog was always supposed to be a place for people to come to see the reality of a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. Or, our reality anyway. For people to see that things aren’t always perfect and we both screw up from time to time. It was originally supposed to be completely one-sided (with occasional interjections of Master’s opinions from either myself or from Him) and He decided He wanted a place for Him to do it Himself (hence the rarely used section He has).

I’m not forbidden to write about the negative. I’m allowed to write about it to my heart’s content, provided it’s not too personal. I am, however, forbidden to use it as a tool to ambush Him with a problem I have. In other words, if I choose to write about a problem I have, it had better be after He and I have already discussed it and preferably after we’ve (He’s?) figured out a solution. Sometimes, however, I write without even thinking about what I’m writing and it seems I’ve pointed out a problem that I haven’t brought up before or shown resistance where there should be none, etc. Then I’m in trouble.

Maybe it’s arrogant of me to think people can learn from our experiences. Maybe I’m wrong in thinking that people are interested in how we do it. I’ve heard the arguments about how people this far into it can’t possibly mentor people just starting out and I’m not sure I agree. Granted, we’ve been at it for five years (It was five years exactly on October 6th! What a birthday present I gave Him, huh? – kidding), but I remember what it was like in the beginning. I remember clutching my safeword like a security blanket (even though I only used it once) and blind rebellion and the many ways I had to stretch and bend. And I think people can benefit from the knowledge that while they may be just starting out, the path they’re on can be wonderful and fun and have many benefits along the way and at the end.

I don’t mention the benefits often. I find it difficult to articulate the millions of things I’m grateful for. Obviously, the sex is amazing. It’s one of the best things about life. The least we can do is be with someone who allows us to explore all the different fantasies we have. The love and bond that form between a Master and slave is so much stronger than any I’ve ever had with a vanilla significant other. Some say that’s because I wasn’t with the “right” one. But I can’t imagine ever becoming this dependent or reliant on something so basic as love without the BDSM aspect.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that vanilla relationships can’t evolve this way. I’m saying it’s next to impossible for them to if what you need is a more dominant partner.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I know I said I’d write about another BDSM related legal case. I haven’t had the time to research it. Maybe tonight I’ll have time to write more about the things I’ve been babbling about in this entry. ::sigh:: I need a better schedule.

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