Archive for September 29th, 2007

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day… and then some.

September 29th, 2007 No comments

Yesterday was the beginning. If I’d listened to my mind instead of my hopes, I’d have known which way the day was going to go. I almost don’t want to talk about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve fucked up like this.

I’d been crying on and off since about 10:30am with no real understanding of why except some serious anxiety. A while back, I complained about my ability to sense things and I’d thought it had abandoned me but here it was, slapping me in the face, and I… ignored it.

A girl I worked with offered to meet me at work at 2pm and take me to cash my check. Then she was going to take me to pick up a few things Master and I needed. Even though she’d offered to do it, I’d offered her gas money. She declined since everywhere she was taking me was somewhere she had to go anyway. I was there exactly on time and she’d already came and left. Things went from bad to worse and my anxiety went insane.

I won’t go into all the details of the night. I’ll only qualify that what came next had only a little to do with the girl not showing up. Believe me when I say the rest was bad. Very, very bad. And the morning was even worse. And I can almost guarantee it’s not over. I’ll be feeling the aftershock of the past two days for a while. I have no one to blame but myself.

This morning, I decided not to get out of bed. If I didn’t get up, bad things couldn’t happen, right? That was my logic, anyway. And before I met Master, it worked pretty well. I asked Him if He was going to be mad at me forever, and He flew out of bed a few minutes later and into the shower without so much as a word. I curled into a ball and the tears I thought had finally dried up last night began again.

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