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Explanations

August 16th, 2007

And maybe they are. Iâ??m noticing more and more my failing
ability to win friends and influence people the more we isolate me. Iâ??m finding
myself completely, over the top nervous with people I used to be comfortable
with. And the more I try, the less I relate to the people who used to be
important in my life (Master excluded, as He has become the most important
person in my life).


I have five or six ideas planned out for blog entries that I
havenâ??t used yet, but today, I think, needs to be a day of explanations. I
sometimes think Master and I speak different languages and itâ??s just easier to
try to explain myself with writing than trying to talk to Him. Especially when
itâ??s a touchy subject. Itâ??s easier because I can think while Iâ??m writing and
make sure I donâ??t leave anything out that really needs to be said. When weâ??re
talking about touchy subjects, Iâ??m often so frantically trying to be respectful
and appease Him that I donâ??t always think fast enough to say everything I mean
to say.

Tuesdayâ??s blog is an example of the different languages we
speak.

I donâ??t always mete out every single detail of my topics
most of the time because just the few points I touch on usually take me more
than most bloggers are willing to sit down and read (Mainly because I type a
LOT. Sometimes I have to spend time going through my writing and deleting
sentences that really arenâ??t needed.). I often leave out things that I assume
go without saying. This usually leaves some confusion as to how things work in
this house.

For example, I left out the fact that Master is slowly
working on His tardiness for Himself and not for me. Iâ??m just so excited that
Heâ??s working on it that it doesnâ??t matter, really, who Heâ??s doing it for.

I mentioned that Iâ??m rebuffed for getting upset about things
that really are none of my business. I also mentioned that I know the way I
think is wrong. I didnâ??t mention that Iâ??m working on this as well but itâ??s not
an over night change. I failed to mention that weâ??re both working to change my
thinking, not His.

I donâ??t know if everyone reads my writing the same way He
does. Quite often, I write a blog entry and bounce off to work only to come
home and find out that I havenâ??t gotten my point across at all and Heâ??s
irritated with what point He feels I made. Itâ??s frustrating, but itâ??s also upsetting
and often leaves me feeling like my communication skills are way off.

And maybe they are. Iâ??m noticing more and more my failing
ability to win friends and influence people the more we isolate me. Iâ??m finding
myself completely, over the top nervous with people I used to be comfortable
with. And the more I try, the less I relate to the people who used to be
important in my life (Master excluded, as He has become the most important
person in my life).

I never dreamed, however, that this isolation would make it
increasingly difficult to find the right words when attempting to communicate
with Master. And when I think Iâ??ve gotten my point across and realize I havenâ??t
it bothers me because I used to pride myself in my ability to communicate with
my owner.

Maybe this is what itâ??s all about, these growing pains. Learning
where the boundaries are and figuring out how to communicate within them. Itâ??s
not as easy as it sounds, it seems.

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