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Conversations of Comfort

August 11th, 2007

Master and I have been having rather interesting conversations since the last time I was in trouble. There’s a lot on the docket for today. The weather is devastatingly beautiful so He plans to go walking and photo taking. Unfortunately, I washed my favorite sweater (which has to hang dry) last night so I might have to wear something else when we go out.

He also plans to place the slave rings around the house today so He has places to chain me when He wants to put me away. I’m almost hoping He runs out of time. At the same time, I can’t wait. I asked if He plans to order more because we’re running out. He put two up ages ago (Though He’s yet to use them – any ideas on how to soundproof our closet would be greatly appreciated!) over the closet so that He could hang me there and He bought four. He said probably.

He asked me how I feel about the fact that He enjoys hurting me, using me and fully believes that I’m a dumb cunt, a bitch, an animal, yet loves me as well. I told Him that I’m glad He loves me. I think if He didn’t, because of how much I love Him, it would be so much harder to accept my place at His feet. Only because it would be devastating to serve someone I love as much as I love Him and know that love was not reciprocated.

He once asked me how it will feel to serve someone I don’t love if He were ever to decide to be rid of me. To know that they will expect the same service from me as He does and to have to give them what they expect even if they do not care about me at all. I think it would be weird. And it might be difficult as well. There are things I do for Him because I love Him that I would never consider doing for another person. And He, or the person He gives me to, could order me to do those things and there I would be, performing acts of love for a man I didn’t love. That thought both frightens and excites me.

Master mentioned His worry about what happens if He dies suddenly and there are no arrangements made for me. He’s pretty set on me being owned until the day I die. It’s what I asked for. It’s what I begged Him for. And it’s what I agreed to.

As it stands right now, He’s ordered me to mourn a bit and then find someone else to own me. He’s hoping, however, to in the near future find a man who would like to either own me or take care of selling me in the event of Master’s untimely passing. This is actually a pretty big comfort. Have I mentioned I don’t know how to take a bus? Have no clue how to hail a cab. And do not have a driver’s license. Scary stuff.

He wants to go play World of Warcraft, so I guess this is the end of this entry. Maybe between now and Tuesday I can think of things to add.

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