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Thanks and Animosity

July 24th, 2007

First I want to say thank you to everyone for the feedback I’ve been receiving over the passed week. It’s really nice to hear from our readers. Makes it easier to keep writing. I haven’t quite reached a place, yet, where I can say I write for myself. I don’t know that I ever will. Some slaves use online journals/blogs as a place for furthering communication between their owner and themselves. Master and I use our blog as a place to communicate with other people in the lifestyle. A place to show that not everyone’s perfect and not everyone even pretends to be and to get feedback from people who agree or disagree with our ideas. So, when we actually get feedback on it, I feel like
we’re accomplishing our goal to some extent.

I’ve recently learned the valuable lesson of knowing my audience. Things you post on one website may not necessarily go over well on another. The funny thing is, I have never really viewed myself as arrogant or conceited. I guess because I know that I’m not trying to force my views on people and I know that I’m not saying “My way is the only way!” Maybe I should say that more often in the things that I type? Or maybe I should just avoid the
places that have such different views? Who knows? What’s important is I think I’ve finally learned my lesson.

So let’s see. Other than that I hadn’t really planned out something to write today. It’s really hard to keep this up on my own with no suggestions on what to write about. I say that a lot, I guess. So maybe today will be about animosity between slaves.

I don’t get it. That’s about as much as I have to say about it. I don’t get what makes us dislike each other so much. Even if we agree with everything another slave says, we still hate her. Is it jealousy? Competition? Why do we so often feel threatened by each other?

There’s this slave who I’ve never really interacted with but for some reason I really do not like her. I can’t pinpoint it. If she asked me why I avoid her, refuse to respond to her, or when I do respond I seem hostile, I’d have to honestly say I have no idea because I really do not know. I’m not jealous of her. There’s no reason, as far as I can tell, for me to be. Her relationship isn’t better or worse than mine. It’s just different. As far as I can tell, shes never gone out of her way to annoy me. But annoy me she does.

Maybe I feel like she does say “My way is the only way!” or maybe I feel like she’s always telling me I’m wrong. In a “lifestyle” that’s based on what’s right for you I guess I get a little annoyed when I’m told my way is wrong. My way isn’t wrong. It’s different. Maybe it’s wrong for you. But it’s right for me and that’s what matters to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect everyone to come here and have a sudden epiphany. “Oh my god! If I’d only found this place sooner! This is how it should be done!” At the same time, I don’t expect the seagull from The Little Mermaid to pop up every time I want to talk about something I’ve experienced in my relationship with Master.

I see it a lot, though. Especially when I used to spend so much time on IRC. Slaves making snap judgments about other slaves and being unable to overcome their first impression. Arguments going on behind the scenes and obvious discomfort in public. I don’t know if it happens so much in real life, having no real life experience with other slaves. But I know it happens between everyday women pretty often in real life. And I’m sure everyday men.

I know that the first impression most people get of me is usually that I’m a bitch. I don’t really know why I come off that way. Maybe because I’m so standoffish. I don’t like making friends because I know I don’t have much to offer them. At any given time I can be told to back off and I’d have to obey. And I so often find myself disappointed in people that I think are my friends. Realize I didn’t know them as well as I thought I did. Or that they’re not who they presented themselves to be. Or something. Life’s little disappointments, I guess.

In any case, I don’t get it. I doubt I ever will. But that’s okay. I just want everyone to know I’m completely approachable. If for whatever reason you think I have a problem with you, come to me. We’ll hash it out. Maybe I do and it’s completely unwarranted. Or maybe I don’t and I’m just being antisocial, for lack of a better word. I’m real bad about that sometimes.

And on another sort of important note, Something I’ve failed to mention in previous posts is I’m not allowed to talk to males, dominant, submissive or vanilla, without express permission from Master. Often, in the spirit of not being rude, I’ll momentarily ignore this rule and respond anyway. This has to stop.

Obviously, this is through no fault of the men who email or IM me. They don’t know my rules! I just wanted to mention that from now on I’ll be making an effort to get permission from Master before I respond to any emails or IMs I receive (even if just to say I’m not allowed to talk) so if I don’t respond right away, please don’t take offense. I will eventually so long as I’m allowed. Or, you guys could eliminate that step by asking Master yourselves πŸ™‚ That works too.

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