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July 5th, 2007


Tuesday found me in trouble. You already know it was one
fuck of a day. What you donâ??t know is that I took out my frustration and
emotional turmoil on Master.


So we finally caved and picked up a George Foreman
grill and a new coffee pot. I think me and the grill are going to
become great
friends. So long as the tough steak we had last night wasn't a result
of using
the grill, that is. More than likely it was the cut. We did only pay $2
for the
steak. Now we need a new trashcan and one of those rolly-things for it.
Sometimes even two bags makes the damn thing impossible to carry.


It's weird not having to wait forty-five minutes for a pot
of coffee to brew. It's also weird being able to use the "sneak a
cup" feature and not have the coffee be so strong you can't drink it. Our
last pot, from day one, didn't brew evenly. If you tried to pour yourself a cup
before it was finished, the coffee would be strong and bitter. And hot? God
damn is the coffee hot out of this new pot. But the damn thing lasted us almost
five years. I didn't even break the carafe! Here's to taking care of your
stuff.


I already know what I want for Christmas. If Master allows,
provided we have money at Christmas time and haven't done it before then, I
want to redo our bedroom. Paint the walls, get a new set of bed clothes, a new
mattress pad and maybe a feather bed. And a cheap carpet remnant. I really,
really hate the carpet in there. It's orange and brown! And soooo ugly. I'm
getting tired of blue but I'm drawn to it. Maybe because it's the least
feminine of the usual colors for bedrooms? Who knows?


Tuesday found me in trouble. You already know it was one
fuck of a day. What you donâ??t know is that I took out my frustration and
emotional turmoil on Master.


He stays home on Tuesdays to wait for the visiting nurses
and I go home on my lunch to spend it with Him. Even getting two hours back
when I changed jobs, I donâ??t have nearly enough time with Him so I take what I
can. However, Tuesday when I came home I was so preoccupied with settling my disgruntled
mind that I pretty much ignored Him.


He flirted with me and chatted me up. I stared blankly at my
computer screen. He made passes at me and blatantly said He wanted to fuck me. I
said â??I have to go.â? Then instead of getting fucked before running back to
work, I spent the next 20 minutes (making myself late) crying and trying to
explain my blasé attitude.


Part of Independence Day was spent reminding me that Iâ??m not
independent. That I am completely dependent on the one who owns me. And that I
am property to be used as He sees fit. It was the first time in a long while
that sucking His cock made me feel completely humbled. Maybe it was the things
He was saying. Maybe it was the things He was doing. Maybe it was all of it
combined. But I felt like nothing. A disappointing, worthless, useless slave.
It sucked.

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