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Hurt

June 23rd, 2007


I think the reason it hurts me so bad these days is because I
long for a sister. Iâ??m dying for someone to share, not only the responsibility
of pleasing Him, but the joy and love and wonder Iâ??ve found in my slavery. Someone
I can discuss things with who will understand where Iâ??m coming from, being in
the same position herself. Someone I can eagerly befriend, be required to
befriend, and not have to feel guilty when I have to pull away.


The neighbors still havenâ??t left and I grow more and more
anxious by the day. Iâ??m afraid theyâ??ll decide not to go because the weather has
been a little screwy the passed few days. I wish we could afford to buy or rent
a house instead of an apartment. It would be so awesome to be able to just do
whatever we wanted without worrying about the neighbors hearing or getting mad.


Today found me getting extremely annoyed with someone whoâ??s
supposed to be a â??friendâ?. Another slave who has always expressed interest in
belonging to Master. Iâ??ve always suspected, due to her actions, that sheâ??d
rather not have any involvement with me whatsoever. And while this is entirely
up to Him, itâ??s always seriously pissed me off.


I canâ??t even accurately express myself on this subject. It
just feels soâ?¦ underhanded when another slave says â??Yes, I know that you have a
slave. No, I donâ??t want to know her (or continue our friendship, as the case
may be). Iâ??d rather you just own me and let me pretend she doesnâ??t exist.â? It
leaves me feeling as though sheâ??s attempting to make me not exist. And it
seriously hurts my feelings.


Today, she got online and ignored me when I messaged her. She
logged off immediately after I messaged her. No doubt if Iâ??m able to catch her
online someday (while sheâ??s talking to Master and unable to just log off) and
confront her, the reason will be something like â??I didnâ??t see you there.â? It
always is. How many times do I accept that excuse before I start blowing it off
and ignoring her too?


I know that there are plenty of men who own more than one
slave and the two never even meet. I know that some even require that their
slaves not speak to each other. And you donâ??t have to tell me that itâ??s not
about me feeling warm and fuzzy, but about Him being pleased.


I guess I just never considered this as an option for us. I
never thought it would be something He saw as an option. Iâ??ve been under the
impression that the entire purpose of Him having a second slave was for us to
all be together as a strange sort of family, the two of us pleasing Him and
loving each other andâ?¦ And thatâ??s just not possible if one of the slaves is
unable to accept that sheâ??s not alone in His life.


I think the reason it hurts me so bad these days is because I
long for a sister. Iâ??m dying for someone to share, not only the responsibility
of pleasing Him, but the joy and love and wonder Iâ??ve found in my slavery. Someone
I can discuss things with who will understand where Iâ??m coming from, being in
the same position herself. Someone I can eagerly befriend, be required to
befriend, and not have to feel guilty when I have to pull away.


Anywayâ?¦ enough.


Weâ??re having a splendid day so far. Weâ??ve just spent time
together, playing WoW and hanging out. I love Saturdays. I need a job with
weekends off.

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