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Links and Face-slapping

June 9th, 2007

Iâ??m a strange bird. I know what turns Him on. I know the road
He wants to go down when He hurts me while Heâ??s fucking me. I know the emotions
He wants to see on my face. The tears, the scared, hurt little girl, the defeatâ?¦
And I hold it back.

Iâ??ve finally gotten around to adding some of the blogs I
read (regularly or once in a while) to my list of blog links. Elodie, if you
still read me, Iâ??m so sorry itâ??s taken me so long. Yes, I am a lazy bitch

Today has been a whirlwind of thought and emotion. A little
more of Masterâ??s care has been handed over to me and it makes me nervous. He
canâ??t beat the visiting nurses if they hurt Him. Well, I suppose He could but Iâ??m
not sure it would end well ::grin:: Soooooâ?¦ Iâ??ll just take it slow and pray
like hell I donâ??t accidentally hurt Him.

Iâ??ve been used pretty much every day and Iâ??m all sorts of
excited about this. My clit is practically popping with all the pent-up sexual
tension still flowing through my hormonally-charged body after an orgasm a day
(something Iâ??m definitely not used to but am so not looking a gift horse in the
mouth! Thank You, Master!!!) for the passed three days.

Iâ??m a strange bird. I know what turns Him on. I know the road
He wants to go down when He hurts me while Heâ??s fucking me. I know the emotions
He wants to see on my face. The tears, the scared, hurt little girl, the defeatâ?¦
And I hold it back.

I know that the slightest turn toward those emotions fills
His cock so full of blood itâ??s a wonder it doesnâ??t come pouring out instead of
cum. I know that when Iâ??m hurting Heâ??s doing things in my cunt that threaten to
make me explode all over His dick before I can even think to ask for
permission. And I hold it back.

I also know the ridicule Iâ??ll face for letting those
emotions show. For caving to the pressure of the slowly increasing amount of
pain Heâ??s inflicting on my body. And the new set of emotions that will flood my
still overly wanton body as murmured â??Poor baby.â?s flood my ears.

And I know how desperate I am to let go. To give in. To surrender those emotions to Him. To face the ridicule and come out on the other side with the privilege of knowing I've pleased Him in all my humiliated glory.

Part of my yesterday was spent alone in the living room
waiting for the UPS guy to drop off Masterâ??s much needed medical supplies. At
some point, He ordered me to the office, naked and on the floor, my tongue and
lips taunting His cool thighs and feet. It wasnâ??t long before there was a nice
tent in His boxers and I was positioning myself between His legs, tongue out in
anticipation of the wrinkled flesh of His scrotum.

He always speaks to me while using me. Usually about my role
in life. Sometimes about His (or our, as the case may be) fantasies and
intentions. Always kicking my interest into high gear.

Yesterday, after quite a bit of teasing and tormenting, He
sent me to the bed with the order of getting on my back so He could cum in my
pussy. My periodâ??s due but being stubborn (not that Iâ??m complaining, mind you)
and I was nervous about the wetness between my legs so when He stepped inside
the bedroom door, instead of a slave with legs sprawled wide, He found me with
my knees drawn up and almost closed (Holy run-on sentence, batman! I think I
say that too much). He slapped them apart (â??Open your legs, bitch.â?), slapped
my thighs a couple of times, then slapped my pussy three times before thrusting
His cock into my dripping sex.

Those particular slaps were fine. Nothing too drastic.
Nothing I couldnâ??t handle. If I wasnâ??t so focused on being His cum dumpster
(and pleasing to boot!), I probably would have smiled as I moaned with
pleasure. Later, He slapped my face. The first slap, by itself, would have been
okay (if you ignore the fact that four years ago I would have yelled enough and
three years ago â?? maybe less â?? I would have glared at Him afterward). The
second slap, slightly harder than the first, was pushing it a bit, but I kept
my composure. The third slap, and the flare of red before my eyes,
was sink or swim time. That moment where I choose (He chooses) to give Him what
He wants or fight back the tears and play â??tough girl masochistâ?.

This is where He usually stops. I canâ??t say whether I
usually want Him to push further or not because the feeling/thought process
varies from â??sessionâ? to â??sessionâ?.

He slapped me a fourth time and I knew Iâ??d lost my chance to
choose. The fifth time could have been a baby-strength swat and I still would
have lost control of my tears and hitching breath. He saw it and pushed.

I always try to turn my face away so He wonâ??t see me crying.
I forget that turning my face gives Him better access to my quickly reddening
cheek. And when He half-growled, half-whispered that seeing me cry makes His
cock feel better, I could have pulled myself together. I could have caught my
breath and stopped the tear flow. Except He slapped me again. And that pushed
me into that space where the only thing that makes it better is it being over. The
proof that my pain, my humiliation, my tears have all pleased Him filling my
cunt, burning my insides and sating my darkest desires. If only temporarily. It's these "sessions", these moments that make me love being owned all the more (if that's even possible).

Is Master the only one who gets that evil little grin while
hurting His slave? Itâ??s downright creepy! Goddess, does it turn me on!!!

On a different note, Iâ??m having a serious craving for some
really good â??dominantâ? blogs. Preferably Master/slave related but anythingâ??s
good. Itâ??s so weird for me to poke around the few Iâ??ve seen linked and findâ?¦
they have absolutely nothing in common with Master. I mean, different is good!
Iâ??d be in a world of hurt if there was more than one Master running around. But
I find myself utterly bored and completely stumped by men who allow their
slaves to pick and choose which direction the relationship is going to go.

Thatâ??s not to say theyâ??re wrong in their choice. Just that
itâ??s not something that interests me in the least.

Maybe itâ??s better I canâ??t find any? I mean, the real reason
Iâ??m always looking is to gain a little insight into the how and why of things
and reallyâ?¦ if Master wanted me to know all that, wouldnâ??t He just tell me?

And Iâ??d much prefer reading the things He has to say on the
subject butâ?¦ He so rarely has anything (or any time, as the case may be â?? I say
that too much as well) to say. I guess weâ??ll see which direction this goes.

Have a wonderful day!

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