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February 20th, 2007

Iâ??ve put it off and put it off. When I first got up, I
couldnâ??t wrap my head around anything. I read paragraphs four, five, and six
times and still didnâ??t grasp what they were saying. I stared at the things
Master said not really understanding that they required a response. My head
felt emptyâ?¦ like when I was on the wrong medicine before I gave up letting
doctors play with the chemicals I put into my body to make me â??normalâ?. I
couldnâ??t think and all I could think to do was lay down and go to sleep.

Instead, I got dressed, brushed my hair and got ready to go
to lunch with Master. Then I got dropped off at my new job. I was supposed to
look at my training booklets and sign the last of my paper work so Iâ??d be ready
to start on Monday. But there was a community council meeting and everyone was
busy. I stood there for about an hour waiting for the director and
administrator to get out of the meeting and ended up leaving to change my shoes
and go back. When I got back, I went over the employee handbook and then R (the
director) took me to work. My new boss took me to my current job. So weird. I
was made to clock in early and get to work. An extra hour this week.

I still have no topic. I donâ??t know whatâ??s draining my
energy. I literally feel like I donâ??t sleep. Maybe itâ??s because I wake up so
much at night. Maybe Iâ??m wearing myself too thin. Maybe I am a lot worse off
than I realized with regards to being out of shape. Iâ??m what they call â??bone
wearyâ? and â??mentally exhaustedâ? and I have no idea whatâ??s causing it.

I was going to pull a topic from the past that I didnâ??t
really like what I said or how I said it based on where Masterâ??s training of me
lies now. However, itâ??s time to go watch TV with Master, our usual evening â??settling
downâ? ritual. Maybe Iâ??ll do that tomorrow if Iâ??m not working with T.

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