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Fear? A four letter word.

January 17th, 2007 Comments off

I read a story once, a true story, written by a slave whose Master was a little more into humiliation than I am.  A little more sadistic than I’m comfortable with.  And it’s hard admitting that and knowing that if Master went that way I’d submit.  I’d cry and I’d beg and I’d probably lock myself inside myself for a while and never be the same again, but I’d submit.

But His humiliation and sadistic nature had nothing to do with physical pain or lewd behavior.  It was all emotionally and mentally based.  An example: He tied his slave to a bed in a spare room and brought home a woman to fuck.  He fucked the stranger in their bed, and then when they were finished, he brought the woman into the spare bedroom and showed her his slave.  After forcing her to lick them both clean, they both began to mock her.  Most of this I could endure, even get off on.  It was the things they said to her that would have killed me.

They told her she wasn’t woman enough to satisfy her man.  That he turned to other women because she was incapable of pleasing him.  That even this stranger, who was a prostitute, had a tighter pussy than his slave, who was a virgin when she met him.  They spent the rest of the day making sure his slave knew that this prostitute meant more to him, pleased him more, was worth more than his slave.

They were husband and wife before they were master and slave.  Master and I were Master and slave before we were husband and wife and even imagining this being done to me makes me want to slit my wrists.  Maybe because we were Master and slave before we were husband and wife? Maybe because it’s been so ingrained into my very being that I am here to serve and please? Maybe just because He means so much to me?

What’s worse is that I would be incredibly turned on by it.  I’d be sitting there completely destroyed emotionally and my pussy would be dripping wet.  That screws with my head a bit.

I had a dream once that He decided He wanted a vanilla life and a vanilla family but He wanted to keep me.  To keep me locked away somewhere to play with whenever He wanted.  So He divorced me.  And He married another woman.  And she knew about His slave in the basement, and when He was at work she would come down and beat the shit out of me. She’d do horrible things to me.

He’d get home from work and ask what happened.  She’d tell Him I did those things to myself and He’d always believe her over me.  On top of whatever she’d done to me during the course of the day, He’d punish me.

And how’s this for avoidance? I just can’t think about this anymore right now.  Read more…

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