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Am I too fluffy?

December 21st, 2006

I’ve said this before. A lot, I’m guessing. But I read a lot of blogs written by submissives and slaves. I enjoy knowing how others think.  Especially others similar to myself.

I’ve been reading Under His Hand quite a bit lately. I have a system, you see. I read a couple of the recent entries and if I like it I go to the beginning, the very first post, and I read all the way through (I’m only on August, 2006, kaya, so I haven’t read any of your updated entries. I will though! I swear!). I don’t read much of anything else during this process except for the things I’m required to read daily. If I need a break, I check in with the other blogs I read on occasion. But usually, I barrel on through until I’m at a place that I can just update myself daily or every few days depending on how often the blogger updates.

I love kaya’s journal. Master says it’s because her owner is so much like Him and she’s so much like me. He’s right. That has a lot to do with it. It’s also because they seem to be on a very similar path to the one Master and I have been walking these four years. It’s extremely rare for me to find someone like that, let alone a happily functioning (I almost typed “fucktioning” – we know where my mind is!) couple. It’s comforting. It shouldn’t matter, but it makes me feel less out of touch.

In any case, I mentioned kaya because I plan on singling out a post from her journal. I’ve already lost the date. If I get a chance I’ll go back and look for it again.

My usual disclaimer: This is not a slam. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion and I’m completely capable of agreeing to disagree. I love that even though she and I seem so much alike on the surface we have a great many differing opinions. As soon as I have permission from Master (which means remembering to ask one of these days when He’s not busy with something else) to comment on her journal (Can you comment on a livejournal entry if you don’t have a livejournal account?) I plan to bug her to death there with all the ways we are the same and all the ways we are different! I also want to make mention that she didn’t even know my blog existed when this post was made as I only just found her so none of it was aimed at me. It was all about her.

Anyway, the post was about “journal fluff”. I don’t know if she still holds the opinion she stated there. It’s been a few months since she put it up. I also don’t know if the opinion stretched to everyone else or covered her journal alone. She talked about how entries about her kids and her cats and her owner’s job (You know, I don’t think she even attempted once to make up a name for Him other than “Master” so I’ll just have to continue calling Him “kaya’s owner” or “kaya’s master”!) and her interest in getting a job and her house and her dog and everything else in her life was fluff if it didn’t involve BDSM. 

I thought about this post a lot this morning. I’m not sure why. And in the shower I obsessed over whether my blog is “fluff” or not. I went over the entries in my head, realizing how much emotion I exclude from my words and trying to decide whether I should rectify that. This is what I’ve come up with:

For a while, I thought this. For a while, I was frantic with BDSM or D/s or M/s topics to come up with to draw in the readers and make people interested. The thing is, this journal is supposed to be about my life in slavery. And all that other stuff makes up my life. Wanting a pet that I can hold (as opposed to just the slimy fish we own that nibble at my fingers if I put them in the tank) and what goes on at my job and who said what while my parents were here are a part of my life in slavery. And the blog would cease to be about that if I left all those things out.

The main purpose for this blog was to show people that it is possible to live a “normal” life and be a slave 24/7. To show people that just because you don’t get it right every single time doesn’t mean you’re not a slave. And to teach people about the way Master and His Rayne live.

Maybe that’s arrogant. Maybe it’s arrogant to think that people would be interested in knowing what our lives are like. Maybe it’s arrogant to think that they might want to learn how to live the way we do. I don’t think so, though. Because I’ve had lots of people say exactly that. “I want to know how you pull this part of your life off.” and “Tell me how you do this and get this result.” and “How do you incorporate this into everything else you deal with day to day?” and “Why do you do this instead of that? Are the results better that way?” And I know that not everyone will walk away happy with what they find here. I definitely won’t be rated the hottest blog on the blog roll. And that’s okay.

This isn’t a place for me to vent, though I do sometimes and as long as I’m respectful and don’t show my ass Master’s okay with that. It’s not a place for me to communicate things to Master. Sometimes He goes weeks without reading my blog or my journal. He trusts that if there’s something He needs to know I’ll say it. It’s required. And it’s not a place for me to try to appear perfect. It’s above all not a place for me to try to appear perfect. Because another main purpose of this blog is to show that slaves aren’t perfect. And that sometimes masters enjoy non-perfect slaves so long as the slave is striving to be as close to perfect as she can.

Anyway, the point in all this was I don’t view the semi-normal ramblings you guys get from me and the blog things and everything else as “fluff” (Okay, the blog things are a copout when I can’t think of anything else to write. But I gotta keep this thing updated, you know??!?). I view it all as part of the life I lead as a slave. And I find them pertinent to this blog. Though I suppose it’s high time I buck up and start meeting Master at the door with the cane or something so you guys can have some juicy kink posts to chew on, huh? I’ll try. I promise!

Speaking of this blog, I’ve seriously gotta beg Master again to find a way to get me access to my old database so I can get the rest of it up. I miss it ::sniffle::

Anyway, I’ll try to get you guys some posts that have at least a little substance besides the usual rayne rant. I’ve been so spacey lately. I think it’s a mixture of the pain in my leg and the lack of sleep. I’ve seriously gotta find a new job. In the meantime, if you have something you’d like to hear my opinion on or a part of our lives you’d like to learn about, comment or drop me a pm and I’ll dedicate an entry to your questions. I’m generally pretty good at writing about an asked for topic! Just ask Jarl!

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  1. Joji
    September 10th, 2009 at 10:31 | #1

    I don’t think its fluff. I think its an accurate account of a 3 dimensional person. Seriously, I’m slave. I’m also a mom. I’m also a supervisor in my work place. I am more than any one thing at any given point of time. Its the sum of all those things that makes me uniquely me. I understand wanting to give it a bdsm slant, I do, but really to me I’d rather see how it functions in a normal every day setting that just read about bedroom scenes, control and mind fucks all the time.

    I love reading your journal. Mine? Mine is in the form of written letters to Master. About my day. About my thoughts. And my innermost internalizations. It can be anywhere from confusing, to sappy. I’m glad only he can read it. I’m not yet ready to open up that side of me to the world yet.

    Keep writing though, I love reading it. I was telling Master last night that I feel you and I and He and yours, have much in common.


  2. September 10th, 2009 at 11:24 | #2

    @Joji Holy… I cannot believe you are wading through the unedited muck to continue reading me. I swear I will try to get the reformatting finished soon! Lol.

    But from the looks of it, even if I do, you’ll be done reading by then. Lol.

    Master’s been ripping me open and letting me bleed for everyone to see for about as long as we’ve been together. It pleases Him to have such a transparent slave. It seriously fucks with my head but it makes Him happy. I’ve just learned to go with the flow.

    Thanks, Joji. 🙂 Glad you like reading me.
    .-= rayne´s last blog ..A Day Full of Firsts =-.

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