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October 2nd, 2006

It's so weird how one changes as the grow older. It seems
I'm acquiring new fears and losing old ones. Things that never bothered me
before really gross me out now. Things that would send me screaming before
don't bother me.

When I was a kid I forced myself to look at things that
everyone else thought were gross or disturbing so that in the end I could say,
"What a wimp. That's not scary." I was addicted to horror flicks and
scary books and Halloween has always been my all time favorite holiday. I had
nightmares but I usually knew it was just a dream and the ones that really
disturbed me were always the ones that were so far out of the realm of
possibility that I really should have just laughed them off.

These days, I find myself almost unable to watch when a
finger or toe is cut from an unwilling participant's body. I have to force
myself not to turn my head if a torturer sticks pliers in the mouth of his
victim. And I almost vomit when someone's entrails become their extrails. When
I was a teen I could watch this type of stuff unflinching.

I used to run screaming if I saw a spider and snatch my hand
away if something I touched was even remotely slimy or squishy. I'd even use
gloves and/or paper towels to pull the food from the sink drain because I
couldn't stand how it felt.

Ah well… people change, I guess.

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